Where a secret was concealed

slowly I am realizing that the love I wrapped around myself
was made up of caught in my throat chance decisions
and the wavering and wandering desires of every other whim
but my own

I slip and slide into these well-rehearesed chaste moments
that one would swear was fated and cast by the stroke of some star-crossed love
reigned in and provoked by a moonglow, or some other mysterious magic
meant for every ever after

but I know the paths and maps of all those in-betweens
the picture that each person secretly longs for yet rarely utters aloud
unwrap the right truths and all those locked up fantasies
come falling out to land right there
at my feet

I should have been a courtesan instead
with brightly coloured flowing dresses to hide within
and slashes criss-crossed on my pale white skin outlining where wings would be
in another life or on a different girl
anyone but me

lost among this shadow boxed inside-out lie of love
have you caught any glimpse of who I am at all
and is it fair to blame you that you cannot see something
that I made completely invisible
to you

inspired by The Calendar Hung Itself ~ Bright Eyes
The Calendar Hung Itself (live, video)