Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you

"I was in your arms,
thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense,
building me a fence.
Building me a home,
thinking I'd be strong there,
but I was a fool,
playing by the rules.

The gods may throw a dice,
their minds as cold as ice,
and someone way down here,
loses someone dear.
The winner takes it all,
the loser has to fall,
It's simple,
and it's plain,
why should I complain?"

'The Winner Takes It All (cover)' ~ Meryl Streep

Say what you want about this film, and the music within it, but there is something endearing about it, and hard not to adore, if even just a little. Meryl may not have the best voice, but she plays the role as Sophie's independent Mom so well, and in most of the film seems as if she is having the best time ever (especially after so many heavy dramatic roles played prior that she is so famous for).

And here, the vulnerability and sadness, so raw and real. To me this is the strongest song of the film, and had me actually realizing what this song was about in the first place. Abba, so much a staple of my growing up years (and those late teens/early twenties club days), I had forgotten the regret in this one, and the bittersweet resolve.

The first time I watched it was on a plane and it made me cry. Tonight it hit me a little harder - this scene, and the one between her and Sophie, her daughter. During that scene Jules turned to me, grabbing my hand, and asked if I would give her away if she ever got married.

Then in this scene, she asked if I was okay. I think she may be the only one who really knows how much I hurt over what happened, and what did not happen. And yes, it still hurts like hell, though I'll carry on and tell myself I am fine until I believe it, because that is what I do. I carry on. I survive. Always.

(song of the day)