if i had the chance i'd ask the world to dance

raised on mtv: part six

dancing wiht myself, originally a generation x song from the album kiss me deadly, became an mtv-fueled hit when billy idol re-released a more pop friendly (sans the driving guitar and bass found in the original) version on his solo album, don't stop. this is yet another song that i mistook as a celebration of freedom, which has been stated to have actually been about masterbation.

- how many songs, especially in the 80's, take on the self-love act? i could almost do an entire series on that, i bet.

anyhow, at the time this video had it's heydey of video play i was just starting high school. the album, don't stop, was released earlier, when i was still in junior high (i remember buying a copy the same day as the go-go's beauty and the beat); but, it was in 1983 that i remember this song, and the video, the most.

it was one of the first high school dances i attended. i think it was another church basement, as this was before my school had built the gymnasium which would later hold all the casual dances. i was never big on proms and formals, but my friends and i loved the informal dances. looking back, i think it was the music that drew us in, and a love of dancing that would continue on into my club days in the late eighties, and early nineties. i absolutely loved to dance.

but, i was a shy girl. all the bouncing around to and from various schools and shaken up my confidence, and made me rather quiet and withdrawn. i had friends, good ones at that, but i was not the kind of girl who would go out and dance; or, so i thought.

this video, everytime it would come on mtv i would blare the volume and dance around my room. i remember never feeling as free and good about myself as i did when i was spinning and bouncing around my bedroom, singing along.

with the music, and the spinning, i felt transformed. i saw myself as something different, and pictured myself a little bit dangerous, a little bit dramatic, and a lot brave.

when this song played at that early dance, i don't know, something outside of my insecurities took over. maybe it was the body overriding the mind, or maybe mr. idol was infusing me with a little rebellion. i ended up out on the dance floor, dancing with myself, and losing myself in the music. it became something i did, something that was natural to me. i never did care, after that, if a dance floor was packed or empty; if i heard a song i loved, i'd be out there dancing.

and, the dancing, i do believe it gifted me a little bit of self-love (just not of that variety).

"when theres no-one else in sight,
in the crowded lonely night,
well i wait so long,
for my love vibration;
and i'm dancing with myself."