saw two shadowed men on the vallance road

"said they'd pay me for your address,
oh, i was so bold.

i said, 'you see these two cold fingers,
these crooked fingers i show?'
you a way to mean no.

well, they didn't like that much i can tell you,
he said, 'sunshine i wouldn't wanna be in your shoesi,
then they chased me up three flights of stairs,
caught me in the lift, how i sighed and said, 'hello'.
'cause you're impossible

and it's just like he's in another world,
he doesn't see the danger on show;
now he'll wind up like joseph, bloody in the hole.

and it's just like she's in another world,
and how they suit each other, oh no.
but you never get close,
(oh, it's impossible)."

oh the things you remember, oh the things you forget. in spite of it all, the amount of love i have for this song, and those boys, is immeasurable.

up the bracket ~ the libertines

song of the day

i saw the world thrashing all around your face

"i'll stop the world and melt with you.
you've seen the difference,
and it's getting better all the time.
there's nothing you and i won't do,
i'll stop the world and melt with you."

history lesson:
i melt with you, an mtv staple in 1983, is the song that the band modern english is best known for. the song, produced by hugh jones, was a single from the album after the snow. while never reaching the Top 40 (its highest position was #76, which it reached with a july 1990 rerelease), the song gained popularity due to its airplay on mtv in early 1983 and its inclusion during the closing credits in the movie valley girl. the band re-recorded it in 1990 for their album pillow lips.

personal reflection:
valley girl was one of those movies that kate and i were ever-prone to watch on a saturday night. an odd night for staying in and renting videos, one might think, but from what i remember it was the one night we never quite liked going out on. there was always too much expectation in the air on a saturday night. what with the clubs twice the price, and all the long lines and date nights going on, it just never held its appeal to us. so, it was the couch and some of our personal vices, and a stack of movies. valley girl was in that stack more often than not (usually accompanied by dogs in space, sid and nancy and modern girls), and we had our character crushes and our moments of singing along.

even when this song turned into an advertisement for hamburgers, or when every local radio station decided to play it to near death during its flashback weekends and lunches, it still always reminds me of randy and julie, and the valley.

the 80's

ah the night...here it comes again

"and i hold you close in the back of my mind,
feels so good, but damn it makes me hurt,
and i'm too scared to know to how i feel about you now;
la cienega just smiles...'see ya around'.

and i hold you close in the back of my mind,
and raise my glass, 'cause either way i'm dead.
neither of you really help me to sleep anymore,
one breaks my body, and the other breaks my soul;
la cienega just smiles as it waves goodbye."

my favorite ryan song without exception, though there are many others i love. this song snuck inside of me and found a little place in my heart to reside always. it is this corner that holds songs that never lose their significance to me, and where i go when i need solace and the kind of soul-silence that music provides.

strange, this song just resonates more and more with each and every listen.

i do hope he plays this tonight.

la cienega just smiled

song of the day

who'd have believed you'd come along

"you know there are fours words i need to hear before i go to sleep. four little words. 'good night sweet girl.' that's all it takes. i'm easy, i know, but a guy who can muster up those four words is a guy i want to stay with." ~ andrea

this is one of my comfort movies, the kind you watch when you need to feel better, to soothe the effects of life a bit, and to envelop yourself in something comfortable. it is the film equivalent to a blanket, comfortable pajamas, and a bowl of ice cream. i love this movie. i have loved it since the first time i saw it, and i love it just as much if not more the twentieth time i have seen it. i love marty and willie's friendship, natalie portman is incredible in this, to this day it is still my favourite role of hers. i love andrea's take on love and relationships, willie's confusion, the diatribe of girls with curves, and the sweet caroline bar scene. i love the characters, the town, the ways of speaking, the small town family dysfunctions and connections. and, i am ever the sucker for a good ensemble cast.

the level of love i have for this movie is probably in direct correlation with why i adore october road as much as i do.

365 love: beautiful girls

and not in a friendly way

"even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that i am forever changed because of who you are, and what you've meant to me. which, while i do appreciate it, i'd never need a picture of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

there is something about this scene, the vulnerability in it, and that moment where you know that what is being opened up will change everything. it could have been terribly cheesy, and i am not much of a fan of ben afflick, though i do love him as holden. to me it is believable, relatable, and painful in that way that when i first saw it i watched it through my fingers, with my hands covering my eyes, dreading what the outcome would be.

i think there is this universal feeling to it. that feeling of falling into an impossible situation, and having it burn you so deeply that you feel there is no way you can keep your feelings inside any longer. and that risk, that utter and complete risk, of telling someone you are in love with them in the face of rejection.

beyond this scene, there are so many other things i love about chasing amy. alyssa is one of those characters that i relate to on a under the skin level, and i loved how complex they made her friendship with holden, and her own self-actualized reality. i love the friendship between holden and banky, and the wit and pop culture peppered in to a very real love story.

the scene at the club, which includes a send up to the jaws scar conversation is a close second to favorites of mine, but this one always wins out.

the video cuts out before you see the end of the scene, but i sort of like the way it leaves it up in the air; even though i know what else happens in that rain.

chasing amy

completely live

keep art alive; art by wallyg

mix created & contribued by andrea

chords and choruses: a live c mix

cadence to arms (live) ~ dropkick murphys

crawdaddy simone (live) ~ the horrors

citizen erased (live) ~ muse

come on home (live) ~ kaiser chiefs

common people (live) ~ pulp

cornflake girl (live) ~ tori amos

the coast is always changing (live) ~ maximo park

chocolate (live) ~ snow patrol

cecilia (live) ~ paul simon

certain songs (live) ~ the hold steady

comfortably numb (live) ~ pink floyd

cumberland blues (live) ~ the grateful dead

corduroy (live) ~ pearl jam

come together (live) ~ john lennon

carry that weight (live) ~ paul mccartney

live c mix ~ zipped

it moves like a summer breeze

"my love for you is long,

across the oceans all the same,

my love for you is true."

pen pressed to paper as she writes the other side of what happened, the words not sung, but remembered. faded photographic images with criss-crossed marks at the sides. once upon a time they danced on rooftops, and once upon a time they still believed.

and, there is old poetry locked in strong boxes, hope chests some would call them; moth ball heavy and nearly forgotten. in the late afternoons she turns each page over in her well-worn hands, too far in the past to bring tears now, though she misses them. now she even misses the pain of loving him.

funny how time does that, turns things fuzzy and transparent, as numb as our fingers in the harsh winter cold. he always forgot his gloves, and she would blow into his hands to warm them up again. but now the weather is ever warm, and he is gone.

my love for you is real ~ ryan adams

when it used to take only one

"well my money's no good
when i'm up to no good,
no good ever comes from it all.

i got a really good heart,
i just can't catch a break,
if i could i would treat you like you want me to,
i promise."

tomorrow night i get to see ryan adams live for the first time.
my best friend surprised me with tickets last night, for us and her youngest son, who is dying to see a show (this will be his first).

i am so excited.

on the unmade bed

"and that was called love,
for the workers in song,
probably still is for those of them left.

ah but you got away,
didn't you babe?
you just turned your back on the crowd.

you got away,
i never once heard you say,
i need you, i don't need you,
i need you, i don't need you
and all of that jiving around."

leonard cohen is touring this spring, and the thought of being in the audience with him on stage is mind-blowing to me. it is on my list of things to do before i die.

this song, it makes me cry. it just tears out the insides of who i am. and, there is something else in it, a story that i know i have been trying to write.

and tonight, dear leonard and rufus, you are my muses, as i put pen to paper and start the first page.

chelsea hotel #2 ~ rufus wainwright (intro by leonard cohen)

keep art alive: joshua petker

keep art alive; art by joshua petker

the ten questions project: joshua petker

*1. what music (or other art form) inspires you when you create your art?

Most often I just listen to my ipod on shuffle. I like lots of different artists and somehow listening to them all at once is my most honest mood. Sometimes I even paint in silence.

*2. long distance road trip: what three people do you invite along (fictional or non-fictional, dead or alive)?

Hmmm...there are a lot of people both historical and fictional that I'd like to spend some time with but road trips are much more intensive than a quick dinner date. Willie Nelson, Marcel Proust, and Jackson Pollack. That would be a random group but Willie would smoke us out and sing road songs, Proust would go on and on and on telling intricate stories for days, and Pollack would be my art companion and ready to throw beers in our bellies and rocks at cars once the day was over and the bar doors opened.

*3. what is your favorite breakfast cereal?

I hate milk so I never eat cereal. Sorry. =(

*4. what is one thing that is hanging on your bedroom wall?

A picture of my oldest cat who sleeps in the very same room!

*5. what smell/scent evokes strong memories for you?

Clove cigarettes remind me of sneaking into Gothic dance clubs in SF when I was 14-15. They smelled so fancy and exclusive to me back then. Now, they remind me of when I was a dumb goth kid doing drugs at 14. Not a fan anymore.

*6. coffee or tea?

tea

*7. what has been the most impactful compliment, or criticism, you have ever received?

Because I try to be sensitive in my work I am most appreciative when females tell me I captured the inner feelings of a woman. I'm not sure my paintings can speak for every woman but I find that to be the most rewarding compliment.

*8. three words that describe you?

chaotic, sensitive, gemini

*9. cartoon character crush: who is, or was, yours?

Sleeping Beauty? But, to say i had a crush would be a big stretch...

*10. the world is ending in ten minutes and you get to listen to one, and only one, song: which song?

Sing Me To Sleep, by the Smiths

***

find out more about joshua at his website: joshua petker

and at his myspace

i would like to thank joshua for participating in the keep art alive: ten questions project, and for being inspirational to my writing.

go now go and check out more of her work, visit a gallery showing, and buy something if you can.
keep art alive and show your support.

aisles and rows

"i took her to a supermarket,

i don't know why but i had to start it somewhere,

so it started there."

common people ~ pulp

there is something i find completely zen about grocery stores. wandering up and down the aisles, pushing the cart in front of me, and slipping into some kind of zone where all i think about are the labels and colours around me. it clears my head and i find it strangely relaxing. if you visit me and take a trip to the grocery store you will find that the experience sparks conversations in the same depth and scope as driving around in a car with me does, or sitting with me at the beach.

365 loves: grocery stores

poor leno

"where you'll be, i'll go;
where you'll be, i'll know;
where you'll be, i'll find you."

david's showcase of the week

you probably think this song is about you

"you had me several years ago,
when i was still quite naive.
well, you said that we made such a pretty pair,
and that you would never leave.

but you gave away the things you loved,
and one of them was me."

history lesson:
you're so vain, written and performed by carly simon, was released in december of 1972. the song is a critical profile of a self-absorbed lover. it was a number-one hit, topping the billboard hot 100 for three weeks in early 1973, and also spent two weeks at the top of the adult contemporary chart. this was carly's first number one song in either chart, and became what many fans consider to be the biggest musical mystery of the era.

there has been much debate over who exactly the song is about. popular guesses on the subject include mick jagger (who sang uncredited backup vocals on the song), cat stevens, warren beatty, kris kristofferson (with whom carly had brief relationships), her unfaithful fiancé william donaldson, or carly's ex-husband, james taylor.

for the record, carly has never publicly named who the song is about, only made this statement in an interview when asked about it - that it was about the "many vain men i've known in my life".

- i always took that the song was about james taylor, who i believed to have written 'this used to be her town' to carly. of course, as any muse to a song would tell you, there is always another side to every story and song, and so much is left to (mis)interpretation.

personal reflection:
this was one of those songs that my mother always turned up to blasting level when it came on the radio, and sang along with every piece of herself. because of this i learned the lyrics quickly, and used to sing with her, just as hard and strong. at that age (i think i was about five or six) i did not quite understand what i was singing, or what sentiment it conveyed. all i knew is that my mother loved it, and i loved singing it.

as i grew up i certainly gained a new perspective to the song, and have dated a few men of my own that i could dedicate it to. a matter of fact, it is one of those songs that i now turn up to blasting levels when i run across it on the radio, and sing along with every piece of myself.

you're so vain ~ carly simon

the 70s

turning thistledown laughter

keep art alive; art by kelly haigh

"when the bow broke, in pieces we fell.

we would scream and shout,

almost anything,

but the point is we fell dear.

there will be no more wishlessness,

there may be some doubt,

no new day without;

best that we say farewell here."

this year, i still cannot seem to get a real feeling for it. there has been a lot of sadness and loss around me lately. is it because of the age i am at, or is it something more? that said, i feel as if i am finally getting a hold of who i am, and finding that i am tired of people being so transient in my life. coming and going as if i am just a stop gap, or some place to only temporarily land.

perhaps it is my ever-battle with insecurity, but it always hurts a bit to realize that some of the people you love think poorly of you, and of your choices. yet, at the same time, i find myself growing into myself to a point where i do not think i care anymore if i am well-liked, or understood.

i get me, i get what i like and don't like, and most days that is good enough for me.

this song, it always reminds me of driving to san francisco.

innocent one ~ michael penn

that is why i'm singing

"so that is how i learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
and your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
but when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
it is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope."

tonight i was reminded of how much i love bright eyes, and conor oberst. and, i was also reminded how grateful i am for music, for my open ears, my open heart, and that i refuse to just shut down and give up.

i believe in tears, in allowing yourself to be broken in order to heal, and in writing no matter how much it might hurt. and in music, in singing, in spinning around the kitchen with feet bare and your arms thrown open.

bowl of oranges ~ bright eyes

song of the day

sometimes i worry that i've lost the plot

keep art alive; art by chickencat

santa monica, 1993

(mine)

i dance into the white light of flame,cigarette smoke,

chipped disco light,

i spin in the not-knowing of who i am.

the shadows embrace my spirit, grind me to dust,

i look to the delicious curves of her next to me,

black hair and a biting tongue.

we are the celebration of lost youth,

the jangled truths of ripped open envelopes,

shattered glasses and the used-to-be specials.

i feel pure when i'm with you here,

lost and disjointed as we are, your lipstick on my

everything,

you only give this much to me when no one can see.

i choke back the lonely cry inside my spine,

the way i want your crumpled everyday sleepy sides,

not just the glamor of a misspent night in the sand.

all these places feel like home

keep art alive; art by grandylion

chelsea hotel memories: close calls & cannonballs, my darling: a c mix

california ~ phantom planet

call it off ~ tegan & sara

can't take my eyes off of you ~ muse

can i stay ~ ray lamontagne

cannonball ~ damien rice

caring is creepy ~ the shins

catapult ~ counting crows

caught a light sneeze ~ tori amos

caught by the river ~ doves

ceremony ~ new order

change ~ tears for fears

change your mind ~ the killers

crumb begging ~ babyshambles

chelsea dagger ~ the fratellis

changes ~ david bowie

chelsea hotel #2 ~ leonard cohen

chicago (acoustic) ~ sufjan stevens

close call ~ rilo kiley

come back ~ pearl jam

chocolate ~ snow patrol

c mix ~ zipped

lasting impressions

"sometimes someone'll say something, and i'll think, 'oh that's crazy,' then later when i'm writing, it'll come back to me. but i'm not always taking notes for a movie." ~ sofia coppola

"for everyone, there are those moments when you have great days with someone you wouldn't expect to. then you have to go back to your real lives, but it makes an impression on you." ~ sofia coppola

sofia coppola is high on my list of people i would someday love to have a conversation with. her films are on my list of all-time favourites. they are pieces of art, layered in amazing soundtracks and breathtaking visuals, not to mention the keen storytelling and story-adapting that goes on. i think she is fantastic.

i just realized, sofia could be on the momcore panel, too.

365 loves: sofia coppola

mix theme: rain

keep art alive; art by iapia

this week's theme: rain

the trick is to make it your own; to take the theme and craft it into some kind of musical landscape that paints the picture for you.

if you would like to play along here are the guidelines (i do not like the word rules):

* mixes due on a friday*

feel free to post your finished results in your own space, in comments, contact me if you would like me to post it here, or just keep it for your own music drunk enjoyment.

right back where we started from

what song soothes your heart when you feel sad?

almost forgot: a theme mix

keep forgetting to remember: dale's memory mix

forgotten works ~ klaxons
keep forgetting ~ cinematics
just sometimes (song of laughter and forgetting) ~ swervedriver
memories ~ public image limited
memories fade ~ tears for fears
the night you can't remember ~ magnetic fields
i don't mind if you forget me ~ morrissey
forget who you are ~ for against
almost forgot myself ~ doves
i almost forgot ~ matthew sweet
my forgotten favorite ~ velocity girl
forget my name ~ nine black alps
remember me? ~ kitchens of distinction
do you remember? ~ moose
do you remember rock and roll? ~ ramones
do you remember the first time? ~ pulp
i don't remember ~ peter gabriel
i remember nothing ~ joy division
i still remember (music box and tears remix) ~ bloc party

dales's remember mix ~ zipped

storms of sand

“sometimes fate is like a sandstorm that keeps changing directions. you change direction but the sandstorm chases you. you turn again, but the storm adjusts. over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. why? because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. this storm is you. something inside of you. so all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, walk through it, step by step. there’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. that’s the kind of sandstorm you should imagine."

kafka on the shore by haruki murakami

the words she knows, the tune she hums

"turning back she just laughs,
the boulevard is not that bad."

the rain comes down outside, but we are here indoors, just singing along.

hold me closer tiny dancer

this afternoon it is just max and i. he is my mellow one, at least when we are one-on-one. he sits next to me now, sharing my earbuds, swaying his head back and forth to ben folds singing tiny dancer. at one point we both are singing, side-by-side, a little unaware. but then we catch eyes and he smiles and scrunches his face up, both eyes closing fast, his attempt at a wink. i think i am the luckiest to know this little boy, and that there is a whole world out there that he will show me that i have never experienced before.

well hung and a snow white tan

"making love with his ego,
ziggy sucked up into his mind.
like a leper messiah;
when the kids had killed the man, i had to break up the band."

this used to be one of my favorites to dance to at helter skelter. today i listen to it and see a story forming behind my eyes, maybe for another day. something to add to the someday i will write this list.

ziggy stardust ~ bauhaus

cover blanket

good luck exploring the infinite abyss

"you gotta hear this one song, it'll change your life i swear." ~ sam

"fuck, this hurts so much." ~ andrew
"i know it hurts. but it's life, and it's real. and sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got." ~ sam

for some reason it took me a very long time to ever getting around to seeing garden state. when i finally did my first reaction was immdiately "where have you been all my life?"

i love sam. i love andrew. i love the emotion and the music, the love, the healing and the heartbreak, the big abyss and the screaming into the rain. it has become one of those films that mean the world to me; that i just get, and that somehow just gets me right back.

365 loves: garden state

she calls me moe, and i call her daddy-o

keep art alive; art by catherine brooks

dramarama's hi-fi sci-fi album was a recent find at amoeba. this album i had as a cassette, and later a cd that was lost in moves, lending to friends, or more than likely in the financial downfall in chicago when i sold my music collection. whatever the reason, it was one of those albums i had been meaning to replace for sometime, and as i had also wanted to bring home a surprise for david and this being one of his favorite bands, it all worked out well.

i was in my last year of high school when i discovered dramarama, buying both cinéma vérite, and box office bomb, at music market one afternoon. i saw them play in laguna beach on halloween the next year, and later in 1992, in downtown los angeles. they became one of my bands, the kind that you tell everyone about, and become completely passionate about. looking back, i know it was one of the first connections david and i had, and one that we have kept between us ever since.

incredible takes me back to the days i first lived on my own. my first apartment, there was always music playing and people coming over. i could not afford a television, so it was my stereo that i kept on all day, and all night. music was what helped soothe my insomnia, and the radio quite often became part of my every night lullabye.

i love the contents of this love song, the simplicity, the naivety. it is soaked through with young love, and those days of living on your own for the first time. it makes me smile, and remember.

"and we can’t live without our radio,
we gotta sleep with it turned on, you know;
so now we never sleep alone."

incredible ~ dramarama

so you're super-connected now?

"all the freaks gather around,
and the crowd in your bedroom waits,
for a piece of your personal space.
are there heart strings connected,
to the wings youve got slapped on your back?
better climb in the window,
cause i'm closing the door."

who can explain connection really? who knows what takes us, and connects us, to each other. and once connected, is the cord ever truly severed?

super-connected ~ belly

song of the day

and i sink pretty deep

"do i look like a liar?
do i look like a liar to you?
fighting crime in this time, brings a girl down,
makes a body sink so low."

i have loved tanya donelly since her days with half-sister kristin hersh (who i also love), in throwing muses. belly, especially the star album, is forever imprinted in the soundtrack of my life highlighting the first run days of living on my own, hanging out at the winged heart cafe, and especially my apartment on valencia, and later on wilshire. it also reminds me of meeting david, and of past friends jill and carrie. tanya gone solo is quite possibly my favourite of her music. lovesongs for underdogs reminds me of a time when i first found the internet, and some of the amazing friendships i made there/here. i am pretty sure that most of the songs on that album, especially the song goat girl, made appearances on many a mix tape i sent out back in those earlier days.

i have yet to ever see tanya perform on her own, but got to catch her once with throwing muses (with a very pregnant kristin hersh), and once with belly. she is one of my most favorite rock and roll mothers; most definately an example of what i like to refer to as momcore. i would love to put together a panel of rock mom's for a question and answer session, or a round table over pots of coffee and tea. members could include tanya, julie doiron, courtney love, kim gordon, tori amos, liz phair, bjork, patti smith, melissa etheridge, lauryn hill, chrissie hynde. would that not be so keen?

365 loves: tanya donelly

where do we go from here?

not every voice was perfect, not every dance move broadway-bound, but there was something so genuine and infectious about the musical episode of buffy the vampire slayer that i have gone back to it, over and again. it was campy, it made me laugh in parts, and cry in others. i think it was clever, a way to break into the core of a show that had gone quite dark, and to mix a bit of light into it. that said, the songs were emotion-heavy, and with each song more truths were exposed about each character; their fears and feelings brought out in an episode appropriately titled once more with feeling.

a circle of friends who have ended up damaged and hurt, and how they go on from that. heavy stuff, really, and all of it set to songs and dance.

i hear there are theaters that show this as a rocky horror-esque sing-a-long, and the thought of it just makes me smile.

it was a bold move for joss whedon, and the buffy cast, to take on. i know it has been done before, and that there are those who probably cringed and deemed the episode as jumping the shark, but i loved it.

buffy: the musical

if i had the chance i'd ask the world to dance

raised on mtv: part six

dancing wiht myself, originally a generation x song from the album kiss me deadly, became an mtv-fueled hit when billy idol re-released a more pop friendly (sans the driving guitar and bass found in the original) version on his solo album, don't stop. this is yet another song that i mistook as a celebration of freedom, which has been stated to have actually been about masterbation.

- how many songs, especially in the 80's, take on the self-love act? i could almost do an entire series on that, i bet.

anyhow, at the time this video had it's heydey of video play i was just starting high school. the album, don't stop, was released earlier, when i was still in junior high (i remember buying a copy the same day as the go-go's beauty and the beat); but, it was in 1983 that i remember this song, and the video, the most.

it was one of the first high school dances i attended. i think it was another church basement, as this was before my school had built the gymnasium which would later hold all the casual dances. i was never big on proms and formals, but my friends and i loved the informal dances. looking back, i think it was the music that drew us in, and a love of dancing that would continue on into my club days in the late eighties, and early nineties. i absolutely loved to dance.

but, i was a shy girl. all the bouncing around to and from various schools and shaken up my confidence, and made me rather quiet and withdrawn. i had friends, good ones at that, but i was not the kind of girl who would go out and dance; or, so i thought.

this video, everytime it would come on mtv i would blare the volume and dance around my room. i remember never feeling as free and good about myself as i did when i was spinning and bouncing around my bedroom, singing along.

with the music, and the spinning, i felt transformed. i saw myself as something different, and pictured myself a little bit dangerous, a little bit dramatic, and a lot brave.

when this song played at that early dance, i don't know, something outside of my insecurities took over. maybe it was the body overriding the mind, or maybe mr. idol was infusing me with a little rebellion. i ended up out on the dance floor, dancing with myself, and losing myself in the music. it became something i did, something that was natural to me. i never did care, after that, if a dance floor was packed or empty; if i heard a song i loved, i'd be out there dancing.

and, the dancing, i do believe it gifted me a little bit of self-love (just not of that variety).

"when theres no-one else in sight,
in the crowded lonely night,
well i wait so long,
for my love vibration;
and i'm dancing with myself."

let your tears rain down on me

"the finger of blame has turned upon itself,
and i'm more than willing to offer myself.
do you want my presence, or need my help?
who knows where that might lead.
i fall."

history lesson:
fall at your feet is a 1991 song by crowded house, from their 1991 album woodface. it is the only song written solely by the band's lead singer, neil finn (all other songs on the album he wrote together with his bandmate, and brother, tim finn), and was released as a single. it became the least successful of all the singles from woodface, peaking at #17 in the u.k.

the song was later released on the group's greatest hits collection, recurring dream, and was performed at the group's farewell performance in 1996, farewell to the world.

personal reflection:
kate had the first crowded house album, on vinyl, which i immediately borrowed to make a taped copy; a routine the two of us shared when we ever bought music, as we could afford a much greater collection of music if we did not repeat selections between us. we loved them, and sang along to many of their songs, and crushed on those boys from australia. their later music, from the early 90's, took on a deeper meaning to me. the album woodface was part of the musical long distance love letters that i shared with david in those early days of us falling in love; he had moved to the florida keys and i was still here in california. years later, when we reunited after a long time apart, fall at your feet played while we spent a first night back together. i remember david had this playlist on his computer of over two days worth of songs, and we left it going all night as we slept and woke up to each other; this one stood out and seemed to echo our first love moments in a way that still represented who we were then. i still think there are pieces of us, as an us, in the song; the meanings forever weaved into the 3:18 minutes of song.

the 90's

pirate skulls and bones

"some some some i, some i murder,

some i, some i let go;

some some some i, some i murder,

some i, some i let go."

paper planes ~ m.i.a.

& the video

julia's song of the week

reminds my heart what love can yield

keep art alive; art by kristin burns

"paper paper obsolete,
how will you reach out to me?
i thought you'd ask me not to leave."

with each breath we change, we move, we disrupt the day before. and tucked in all of that - somewhere - is the truth. perhaps we find it in the wet streets that slick and shine just after a hard rain. or maybe in the lyrics of a song, the way someone else's heart can mimic our own. or is it in the quiet moments, when there are no other voices, no other sound. in the silence we find blank sheets of paper, reams of it, enough to build a paper castle to hide away in. but what is it that we write on them? or do we leave them blank, abandoning want and wish and chance?

i had a random conversation with someone i never talk to. one of those people who exist in my working environment, but who i never connect with. she told me a story about crabs, and how they are caught. that they are all put into an open lidded container, over-flowing to the point that they almost spill over. and yet, not a single crab ever escapes over the edge. she said the reason is that each and every crab pinches on to each other, keeping each other connected, yet keeping one another stuck in the bin. i left the conversation confused, and a bit shook up. do i want to be a crab, or do i want to topple over the side?

lonely, lonely ~ feist

darkness and light

"i've tried to avoid labels, but they always find you." ~ poppy z. brite

"i believe in whatever gets you through the night. night is the hardest time to be alive. for me, anyway. it lasts so long, and four am knows all my secrets. four am is when my dreams die." ~ lost souls by poppy z. brite

"i came to understand that these memories were my salvation. i no longer wanted to know why i had done such things if it meant i wouldn't want to do them anymore. i put my notebooks aside forever. i was different, and that was all. i had always known i was different; i could not trudge through life contentedly chewing whatever cud i found in my mouth, as those around me seemed to do." ~ exquisite corpse by poppy z. brite

she writes the most gory and disturbing details of life that i have ever come across, and yet she does this in the most beautiful of ways. all of it, the grotesque and the gorgeous are all wrapped up around characters that are flawed, rich, and wonderful. some of them still reside in the outskirts of my heart and mind to this day, never quite leaving after i read the final page and closed the book.

ghost and nothing from lost souls, and trevor and zach from drawing blood are still around; and at times pieces of them work their way into stories of mine, in the way that art inspires art.

missing mile, and the way she paints people and places hit me in the way that music does, tearing below the skin at times, and soothing the soul the next.

poppy also wrote one of the most provocative, raw and real biographies i have ever read, capturing courtney love in a way that was unforgettable and relatable, all at once. she is definitely on the list of people i would love to share coffee and conversation with someday, or sit in the back of a dark and dank bar, smoke too many cigarettes and talk about observing and capturing the world in words.

365 loves: poppy z. brite

i'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily

"they warn you about killers, and thieves in night;

i worry about cancer, and living right.

but my mama never warned me,

about my own destructive appetite,

or the pitfalls of control;

how it locks you in your grave."

happy ~ jenny lewis & the watson twins

"when you're kissing someone who's too much like you,

it's like kissing on a mirror;

when you're sleeping with someone who doesn't get you,

you're gonna hate yourself in the morning."

melt your heart ~ jenny lewis & the watson twins

"but now you love him,

and your baby,

at last you are complete;

but he's distant,

and you found him on the phone,

pleading, saying, 'baby i love you',

and i'll leave her,

and i'm coming out to california.'

let's not forget ourselves good friend

i am flawed if i'm not free,

and your husband will never leave you,

he will never leave you for me."

does he love you? ~ rilo kiley

"i know i'm alone if i'm with or without you,

but just bein' around you offers me another form of relief.

when the loneliness leads to bad dreams,

and the bad dreams lead me to callin' you,

and i call you and say 'c'mere!'"

portions for foxes ~ rilo kiley

"i've had it with you,

and mexico can fucking wait,

and all of those french films about trains."

pictures of success ~ rilo kiley

jenny lewis is los angeles to me in the same way that francesca lia block's weetzie bat and echo seem like my best friend. or myself, in the way that i can picture tiffanie debartolo's trixie and jacob singing about their families, and their love if they chose to. and, in that same way that the city looks when parked at the top of muholland drive with a bottle of red wine held between my knees. or the way it used to smell like incense, and stolen cherry candy kisses, in wacko on melrose avenue.

and, she is a lot like los angeles, isn't she? grown-up childhood star who now sings in a band, all ripe with bitterness and smog stained love songs.

her songs, they are like opening up a book of short stories, or catching whispered confessions/conversations overheard between two best girlfriends, or from the newly found drunk, leaned up and spouting to the bartender who pretends to listen.

she's someone i'd love to meet for coffee and trade stories with, to exchange our point of views on this city, love, and disappointments.

365 loves: jenny lewis

there's not much chance of coming out clean

"you better be sure you wanna know what you wanna know." ~ kara

a film noir set in a modern day southern california beach city (san clemente, to be specific). the dialogue is incredible, the writing undeniably original, and the mood of the film is simply intoxicating. it reminds me a bit of twin peaks, if agent cooper was a teenager full of angst and bitterness.

nora zehetner, who plays the femme fatale laura, is my personal favorite. she absolutely glows on-screen, capturing a classic movie heroine's demeanor with a jaded, tired before my time edge. joseph gordon-levitt is rather fantastic, too, as the investigator with a weakness for the leading ladies.

everyone here is playing at being older, or perhaps not "playing" at all. these are the cause and effect of broken families, too much of everything, and sensory overload. everyone seems soul-broken and intellectually overwhelmed, and yet these are somehow seen as attributes and survival skills.

it works, all of it works, and this movie had me mesmerized from start to finish.

brick

that's what i did today

"i could have told you why,
it would have made me cry a little;
i could have told you lies,
it would have made me die a little.
i could have told you anything,
except the truth,
which burns my middle."

catch super furry animals make a late night appearance on david letterman tonight.

the video is kind of keen, tongue-in-cheek and cheesy in the best way. something about it reminds me of movies i used to watch over and again, on cable, when i was an adolescent; movies like streets of fire and fire with fire, and i just realized how fire is in both of those titles.

the running parts make me laugh.

run-away ~ super furry animals

song of the day

where did we go wrong?

keep art alive; art by kristin burns

romeo & juliet never got the chance: because everyone knows the making up is the best: girls vs. boys mix part three

mr. blue sky ~ lily allen

skag trendy ~ the view

spellbound ~ siouxsie & the banshees

that's what i get ~ nine inch nails

loose lips ~ kimya dawson

lover ~ devandra banhart

songbird ~ eva cassidy

i burn for you ~ frank black

the hill ~ marketa irglova

all the way down ~ glen hansard

dreams ~ letters to cleo

french dog blues ~ babyshambles

anyone ~ joan as police woman

last goodbye ~ jeff buckley

not going anywhere ~ keren ann

romeo & juliet ~ the killers

the park ~ feist

train under water ~ bright eyes

girls vs. boys three ~ mix zipped

ive got to wait here for your moon to turn blue

Scritti Politti-Perfect Way
Video sent by adiis

"you wanna diva, a deduction, you wanna do what they do;
wanna do damage that you can undo,
apart from everyone,
away from your love,
a part of me belongs apart,
from all the hurt above."

history lesson:
perfect way, from 1985's cupid & psyche 85 album, was scritti politti's most sucessful album in both the u.s., and the u.k. scritti politti, primarily a musical vehicle for singer-songwriter green gartside, was innovative in its early use of the techniques of sampling and midi sequencing, when producing pop hits like perfect way. the band's music was characterized by sophisticated studio production and green's sly, punning wordplay.

perfect way was only a minor hit when released in the u.k., but it became the band's biggest u.s. single released by the band, just missing the top 10 by peaking at #11.

personal reflection:
this song always brings back memories of early mornings, sitting on my bed waiting for it to be time to go to school, talking on the phone with my then close friends, tom and john, each of us with music blaring in the background. there are a group of albums and artists that were ours, music that defined who we were in 1985 as individuals, and who we were to each other. they used to call me their music girl, though at the time i thought the music was everything we were, that it mattered just as much to each of us, together, and separately. in truth, i think the person it mattered so much to, was me.

i wrote lyrics everywhere, on the back of notebooks, on my shoes, on sheets of paper that i would keep in spiral bound notebooks, or tack up to the locker i shared with tom. words that met up with a melody were magical to me; alive and fluid, seeping underneath my skin and weaving into my stories, and my memories.

we would talk about music, in those early morning conversations. we would play games at who could guess what each other had playing, often laughing at the fact that it was the same song. this one was john's favorite, and looking back i think that had a lot to do with a now obvious crush he had on green gartside. i loved the turn of phrases, the clever lines, the words that seemed to wink and grin at you.

"you think too much, music girl, just sing the song with me." john would plead, half-teasingly.

the 80's