Leaving is just the start of letting go

written January 2, 2007

there are these awkward turns of the page
that mark our hands with paper cut reminders
that this almost did not exist at all
that in more ways then we care to admit
we had moved on with this thing we coin a life
with new characters and episode titles
the lead roles played by different actors
though i think they all tried to play
that nothing across the screen had changed

it all seemed to fall into place
making perfect sense to the untrained eye
but up close the door was hanging loose from the hinges
the pieces warping and peeling at the corners
and I emptied out all the jars of paste
but all that stuck together were strands of my hair
and notes to a song I'd forgotten the lyrics to

at a distance I guess I had it all
but there were these vacant gaping holes
only filled up with my fire spat words
that tore at the widening air between us
I was trying to crack open the surface
wide enough for the whole world to see

perhaps I just wanted to wound you
to see if you would stand up and fight
or flee and run from me
because at the start I'd wanted this
to be my Before Sunrise
but the script was ill-conceived
the production rushed

what did you see when you looked closely at us
did you notice the bullet hole signs of our pending goodbye

we were each other's mardi gras masks
but now I need mine back
the painted lady is letting go of her disguises
as I stand by the window to wave at the floats rolling by

I wish you safe travels
hand you a box of bandages as you tape up the last box
because these next days will bleed all of us
separation is like that
even when it is for the best

and we will hurt while we heal
as we learn to believe in the dance again