Monday, March 30, 2009

So when you ask if something's wrong, well damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now

"This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silver lake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks,
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
and every bite I gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did, and so did I that day"

Tiny Vessels ~ Death Cab For Cutie

I could write this scene out, so clear in my mind. Perhaps change the location slightly, somewhere closer to the ocean, or the airplanes. But, I feel it, deeply, and I can see it, so vividly.

When I bought this album I remember this song hit me in a way that I thought would leave a bruise. I remember thinking that I'd felt that way, from the perspective of the singer. And now, I think I know what it feels like to be the girl the song is about. Or maybe I read too much into music, into memories, into my own version of the story.

We write our own endings sometimes, especially when they are so murky and impossible to define, and especially when they are not really endings, at all.

Right now, tonight, this song breaks my heart.

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