let me see the daylight

half life ~ duncan sheik

"before the truth goes back into hiding,
i want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding,
to work on finding something more than this fear .

it takes so much out of me to pretend,
tell me now, tell me how to make amends.

maybe, i need to see the daylight,
to leave behind this half-life,
don't you see i'm breaking down.

lately, something here don't feel right,
this is just a half-life,
is there really no escape?
no escape from time,
of any kind.

i keep trying to understand,
this thing and that thing, my fellow man,
i guess i'll let you know,
when i figure it out.

but i don't mind a few mysteries,
they can stay that way it's fine by me,
and you are another mystery i am missing.

it takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, i need to see the daylight,
to leave behind this half-life,
don't you see i'm breaking down.

lately, something here don't feel right,
this is just a half-life.
is there really no escape?
no escape from time,
of any kind.

come on lets fall in love."

a daily reminder of what is important, something i seem to need more lately, a gentle (and often not so gentle) nudge. this song reminds me of what i do not want. i do not want to exist with unlived life in my veins, nor do i want to participate in any kind of a half-life. the spin cycle of drama and emotion always seems to loom at my door, but i'm learning to not always let it in. i can choose to be happy. i can choose to love. i can choose to say no i do not want to hurt any longer.

suppose it may sound like a practiced line of words, and words are only scratches on paper, or tap-tapping on keys, that stand next to each other trying to look pretty, or angry, or passionate, or something. and, words can be empty if they are not followed by action of some kind. the only action i can take, though, is my own. in that, and in my every breathing moment, i refuse to live in a state of waiting to be happy. i want to be happy now.

these words, they are not pointing at anyone, just at me. this is me nudging myself to remember to not put off being happy.