don't let it take the fight outta you

"they'll look you in the eyes and stone you,
then turn and disown you
don't let it take the fight outta you
they'll walk all over your name
till they find someone else to blame
don't let it take the fight outta you
secrets hide their lies inside hidden alibis
don't let it take the fight outta you

they put the world on a hook
it's worse every time i look
i would rather take the punch
than not give you a shot
i'd rather find out who you are
than who you're not
shoulda known better
than to mistake business for love
shoulda known better
than to mistake a fist for a glove

it will be in your honor
til you're not needed any longer
don't let it take the fight outta you
don't believe the headlines
check it for yourself sometimes
don't let it take the fight outta you
the lies you live become you
the love you lose it numbs you
don't let it take the fight outta you
they say that you've arrived
that's just a high class bribe
don't let it take the fight outta you

i would rather take your punch
than not give you a shot
i'd rather find out who you are
than who you're not
shoulda known better
than to mistake business for love
shouda known better
than to mistake a fist for a glove
there’s always someone younger
someone with more hunger
they’ll say you’re one and only
then straight up leave you lonely
like a transplant patient waiting for a donor
like a half empty balloon after a party in the corner

don't let it take the fight outta you"

thank you, bree. for this song and for charlotte and wilbur. they say that hard times are what teach you the most about life, and about the people in it. i know i've been terribly self-absorbed as of late, struggling with myself and who i am, how i feel, and what i need to do to feel better. but, whether i've said it or not, it is the people who check in, who ask how i am, who send a few words, or a song, or a life update (because i do want to know how you are doing) - it just matters more than i have words to express.

thanks especially to kate, bree, jenn, amber, fawn, tania, and irene for checking in, for keeping connected, and for being my friend through this period of whatever the hell this is that i'm going thru.

i am a better fighter because of my friends, and my kids. thank you.

we see things they never see: a sunday evening in june mix

we see things they never see: a sunday evening in june mix

june evenings ~ air france
they ~ jem
chasing cars (acoustic) ~ snow patrol
ever fallen in love ~ the buzzcocks
in transit ~ albert hammond, jr.
to be free ~ emiliana torrini
hell = other people ~ bettie serveert
june on the west coast ~ bright eyes
leave (alternate version) ~ r.e.m.
everybody knows ~ concrete blonde
satisfaction ~ cat power
live forever ~ oasis
the rip ~ portishead
fake plastic trees ~ radiohead
atmosphere ~ joy division
maybe someday ~ the cure
love will tear us apart ~ honeyroot

zipped

i know you're sad, but it won't last

thank you, bree. i'm not so good right now, though each day i think i'm finding my way back to remembering who i am, what i want, and how to start again.

let me see the daylight

half life ~ duncan sheik

"before the truth goes back into hiding,
i want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding,
to work on finding something more than this fear .

it takes so much out of me to pretend,
tell me now, tell me how to make amends.

maybe, i need to see the daylight,
to leave behind this half-life,
don't you see i'm breaking down.

lately, something here don't feel right,
this is just a half-life,
is there really no escape?
no escape from time,
of any kind.

i keep trying to understand,
this thing and that thing, my fellow man,
i guess i'll let you know,
when i figure it out.

but i don't mind a few mysteries,
they can stay that way it's fine by me,
and you are another mystery i am missing.

it takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, i need to see the daylight,
to leave behind this half-life,
don't you see i'm breaking down.

lately, something here don't feel right,
this is just a half-life.
is there really no escape?
no escape from time,
of any kind.

come on lets fall in love."

a daily reminder of what is important, something i seem to need more lately, a gentle (and often not so gentle) nudge. this song reminds me of what i do not want. i do not want to exist with unlived life in my veins, nor do i want to participate in any kind of a half-life. the spin cycle of drama and emotion always seems to loom at my door, but i'm learning to not always let it in. i can choose to be happy. i can choose to love. i can choose to say no i do not want to hurt any longer.

suppose it may sound like a practiced line of words, and words are only scratches on paper, or tap-tapping on keys, that stand next to each other trying to look pretty, or angry, or passionate, or something. and, words can be empty if they are not followed by action of some kind. the only action i can take, though, is my own. in that, and in my every breathing moment, i refuse to live in a state of waiting to be happy. i want to be happy now.

these words, they are not pointing at anyone, just at me. this is me nudging myself to remember to not put off being happy.

she is running to stand still

"you got to cry without weeping,

talk without speaking,

scream without raising your voice.

you know i took the poison,

from the poison stream,

then i floated out of here.

singing ha la la la de day,

singing ha la la la de day,

ha la la la de day."

feeling overwhelmed tonight, so i'm reaching out for some musical comfort. this is one of my most favorite songs.

i remember when this album came out. i was living in my first apartment, julia's dad and i (though it was before there was a julia). we did not have a television, but we had a stereo and a rather large combined music collection.

we had very different tastes, but every so often it overlapped. this song, and album, was one of the overlaps.

he learned to play this on the guitar for me. i'd actually forgotten that. sometimes so many bad feelings become your memory of someone that you neglect the recollection of anything good.

one night he played it while i sang along.

running to stand still ~ u2

& the video