Love is the best

Give me a reason to love you: Because love is all we need: An I love you mix

All You Need Is Love (cover) ~ Jim Sturgess & Dana Fuchs
Can't Help Falling In Love (live, cover) ~ Ingrid Michaelson
First Love ~ Emmy The Great
Glory Box ~ Portishead
Gonna Make You Love Me ~ Ryan Adams
I Found Love ~ The Free Design
Is This Love ~ Bob Marley & The Wailers
It Must Be Love ~ Madness
Let My Love Open the Door (cover) ~ M. Ward
Love & Happiness ~ Al Green
Love My Way (cover) ~ Cruel Black Dove
Love Song (cover) ~ Death Cab For Cutie
New Love Grows On Trees ~ Peter Doherty
Real Love (cover) ~ Regina Spektor
Tainted Love ~ Soft Cell
Slave to Love ~ Bryan Ferry
Trying My Best to Love You ~ Jenny Lewis
When a Man Loves a Woman ~ Percy Sledge
I Love You ~ Sarah McLachlan

I Love You Mix ~ Zipped Up

Not just today, but for today

April 4th is deemed the day to say I love you. But, those people that I love, I would never need a day set aside to tell them.

Beyond a love of music, and a sharp sense of humour, my Mother gifted me with an openness to express love. She may have not always left me feeling loved, but I know she never hesitated saying it.

I could argue, and have, that those three words are thrown around far too carelessly. Sometimes we say this without realizing the implications, or definitions, that may attach to the words. But, I like to think (or try, at least) that I am careful with these powerful, and beautiful words. I know that if I love you, I will most likely love you forever, and always.

Je t'aime, toujours.

Extraordinary

"Just remember one thing...anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. I mean, there are too many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn't be one of them."

Frankie, Dream For An Insomniac

Happiness in love

"Why?
Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truths?
Why does the memory of years of happy marriage turn to gall when our partner is revealed to have had a lover all those years?
Because such a situation makes it impossible to be happy?
But we were happy!
Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily.
Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever?
Because things always end painfully if they contained pain, conscious or unconscious, all along?
But what is unconscious, unrecognized pain?"

The Reader ~ Bernhard Schlink

Love

"All of us have had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." We suffer because we feel that we are giving more than we are receiving. We suffer because we feel our love is unrecognised. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules. But ultimately there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth. The more we love, the closer we come to spiritual experience. Those who are truly enlightened, those whose souls are illuminated by love, have been able to overcome all the inhibitions and preconceptions of their era. They have been able to sing, to laugh, to pray out loud; they have danced and shared what Saint Paul called, "the madness of saintliness". They have been joyful - because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender."

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept ~ Paulo Coehlo

singing eyes and fingers

song of the siren ~ this mortal coil

"on the floating, shapeless oceans,
i did all my best to smile,
'til your singing eyes and fingers,
drew me loving into your eyes.

and you sang 'sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you.'

here i am,
here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?

now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken love lost on your rocks.

for you sang,

'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.'

oh my heart,
oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.

should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?

hear me sing: 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.'
'here i am.
here i am,
waiting to hold you.'"

pick a star on the dark horizon

"let your memories grow stronger and stronger,
'til they're before your eyes;
you'll come back,
when it's over,
no need to say good bye."

stumbled onto this song quite by accident and was overwhelmed with emotion. regina is a favorite of mine, and this song, from the film prince caspian, is just amazing.

i can't promise that i'll grow those wings, or keep this tarnished halo shined

"i search all the time on the ground
for our shadows
cast side by side
just to remind me that i haven't gone crazy
that you exist
and are mine
and i know that your skin is as warm
and as real
as that smile in your eyes
but i have to keep touching
and smelling
and tasting
for fear it's all lies

i can't promise that i'll grow those wings
or keep this tarnished halo shined
but i'll never betray your trust
angel mine."

to hear you breathe by my side

all you want ~ dido

"oh, if you'd come home ,
i'll let you know that all you want,
is right here in this room.
all you want,
and all you need,
is sitting here with you .
all you want."

this song just came on randomly, and i had yet another of those moments where i am reminded of an artist that i love, but often forget about. dido has one of those voices that sneaks up on you, sticks under the skin, and lingers for days. her songs, often disguised as love songs, are typically deeper than that. lyrically, the more you listen, and the deeper you dig, there are undercurrents of bitterness, betrayal, lost hope, regret, and loss. yet, interspersed - or perhaps the connection between it all - is love. loving regardless, loving despite disappointment, loving even though you have had to let go, and loving in some kind of realm of obsession.

suppose much of it is a glimpse into the darker shadows of our hearts. something that is often deeply relatable, even if we are tempted to shade our eyes from that level of self-examination. i've been trudging around in that kind of muck lately, though, as part of my so-called self-analysis (i.e. trying to sort out what has me so blue). some of what i'm finding reveals an often imbalanced expectation for hope and happiness, and the realization of the day-to-day, and of my own mistakes and mis-steps in love. as a child, i tended to expect the worst, to look at things with disappointed eyes. i know that has a lot to do with the life i led, with my examples of love, with the way i perceived things to be.

and yet, somehow i found myself in my thirties with this almost childish optimism. somehow hope found its meandering way to my door, at the least opportune time, when i really should be basking in the dark shadows of bitterness and disappointment. instead i found myself driven to realizing some ideal of bliss that i had constructed in my head. something to aspire to, as we all should try for the most happy we can wrap our arms around, but at the same time it has limited my enjoyment of right here, right now. it is all still cloudy, and full of mud, as i work my way through it, but something in it brings to light (so to speak) that we need to learn to play about in the shadows, in order to find what we have, what we want, and the precarious bridge that sways in-between.

and somehow this song illustrates a little part of that, or if nothing else, has set me out on a train-of-thought ramble. typical me, finding something in each and every lyrical refrain.

oh how fast those moments flee

"once we watched a lazy world go by,
now the days seem to fly.
life is brief,
but when it's gone;
love goes on and on."

my preferred robin and marian.

welcome june

breck road lover ~ the libertines

"we walk the streets where she gets her name."

* max turned four this weekend and today we celebrated it at the park. i played in the sand with toys kate brought as part of his gift, and was later gifted myself with flower necklaces and crowns she made that brought back a lovely memory. unfortunately, my pale skin did not take to all that sitting in the sun too well and i am badly burned, and a bit sick feeling from it. but, max had a blast. watching him with multi-colors of frosting on his face, laughing so hard that he nearly fell over, playing with his new trains, and running around with a real sense of glee on his face made me immeasurably happy. my best friend, family and all of our children, so much bliss that brings to me. all in all, it was a beautiful afternoon.

* it is after ten at night and i want a cup of coffee desperately. yeah. sunday night and a desire like that? we all have our self-destructive tendencies, i suppose. tonight i will not partake in it, though, as i have enough struggles lately sleeping at all.

* i hate when i realize that even though i'm almost 40 years old, and have a pretty decent amount of accomplishments i'm proud of, i still end up feeling not good enough so much of the time. i wish i knew a way to believe in myself more, and to hang on to the good things said instead of internalizing so much of the criticisms and negative words. suppose this goes back to something i was musing on a few days ago, at why it is so hard to just be nice, to say kind words, to not cut each other (and ourselves) down so much. is it because we all are walking around this world feeling less than, too? so, we lash out at each other, or at ourselves, just to either feel better, or not so alone in that level of insecurity? i don't know. maybe this comes from spending a significant part of my day with my mother who seems to have mastered the art of criticism, so much so that my brother and i have learned to be self-deprecating and mocking to such a degree we have a hard time speaking aloud genuinely good feelings. or perhaps it is just that i allow myself to take that kind of thing, over and over again. either way, i would honestly rather be nice, and treated that way, too. love how you want to be loved.

* i was listening to one of the alphabet mixes i used to make this morning while cleaning the kitchen. i miss making those, as well as recently missing the music theme posts i used to write. who knows, maybe one of these days they will make a comeback.

* a trip to the temporary library took place yesterday (our main one is being rebuilt). max is starting to take an interest in books, inspired by his starting school, i believe. he is the first child i've ever had who did not embrace reading from the start, so it was especially happy-making for me to see him getting excited about books. he chose three thomas the train books, his current obsession, and even had the children's librarian helping him locate them. reading them with him last night, and learning morea about the thomas plot and back stories, i am realizing that the island of sodor is quite the land of drama. seriously, those trains just look harmless with their google-eyes and smiles, they are really a intricate web of intrigue, rivalry, and struggles. who knew.

* tomorrow is monday, i am so not ready for that reality yet. maybe that is why i want the coffee.

you-ward

summons (or this won't hurt you a bit, and it'll cheer me up) ~ mary karr

for an instant i looked away, and an ocean
blossomed between us, 3000 miles
of wild silk rippling. on the other side

your unreachable body. listen,

the globe's meridians bore me,

and i deplore time zones and the lone heart's

metronome without your broad chest

thumping close counterpoint. no breath i draw

will properly fill my lungs till your fine spirit

again issues into me. no eyes will level pierce

this heart's core till your gaze again

sends the deep arrows flying. darling,

remember: our faces in proximity make

a pure small space -- a vessel or goblet

that could hold the whole atlantic. always

i stare you-ward: come spill yourself in me.

it's easy

"there's nothing you can make that can't be made.
no one you can save that can't be saved.
nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time.
it's easy.

all you need is love."

the same old fears

"so, so you think you can tell,
heaven from hell?
blue skies from pain?
can you tell a green field,
from a cold steel rail?
a smile from a veil?
do you think you can tell?

and, did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts?
hot ashes for trees?
hot air for a cool breeze?
cold comfort for change?
and did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage?

how i wish,
how i wish you were here.
we're just two lost souls,
swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year.
running over the same ground,
what have we found?
the same old fears.

wish you were here."

wring my heart & break it, as i'd rather be alive

“to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

c.s. lewis

the way i love you

to love somebody ~ ray lamontagne and damien rice (live)

"in my brain,

i see your face again,

i know my frame of mind,

you aint got to be so blind.

and i'm blind, so very blind;

i'm a man, cant you see,

what i am.

i live and breathe for you.

but what good does it do,

if i aint got you,

if i ain't got you?"

love is a doing word

teardrop ~ massive attack

"most faithful my love,
feathers on my breath,
teardrop on the fire
feathers on my breath,
stumbling a little."

sometimes it is the simple action of writing out a wish that breathes life into it, and takes it that one closer step to coming true. to dance to this song, someday, falling into an embrace. perhaps in that precarious time that borders late at night and early morning. no words passing between, just the exchange of breathing, music floating throughout the room, and wrapping around us close.

one more day has passed, and i hit repeat, listening to the song again.

i don't want to be lost

from my own true love (lost at sea) ~ the decemberists

"mr. postman, do you have a letter for me?

mr. postman, do you have a letter for me?

a letter for me,

from my own true love,

lost at sea.

lost at sea."

and this song reached out and held hands with the words i just read from a story that a friend (and amazing writer) is weaving. perhaps the two meet int he middle, and it all works, the lost are found, and neither feels the tug to lose themselves anymore. is that not what true connection is? what we all are searching for, secretly or openly?

"i don’t want to be lost. i want to be found."

(from 'three steps to heaven' by tania mcintosh)

for the later parade

"once i wanted to be the greatest,
no wind or waterfall could stall me,
and then came the rush of the flood,
the stars at night turned deep to dust.

melt me down,
into big black armour;
leave no trace,
of grace,
just in your honor."

and it came fast, a sudden shock, as if a winter cold had passed deep within my bones. and i knew before a phone rang, or anything was spoken, or explained. all of it, every moment, was the scariest and yet the most impactful of feelings. words do not suffice, and i will never be the same. thank you.

row row row

the good old days ~ the libertines

the good old days (live, video) ~ babyshambles

"daisy chains and school yard games,

& a list of things we said we'd do tomorrow,

a list of things we said we'd do tomorrow.

the arcadian dream has all fallen through,

but the albion sails on course,

so lets man the decks and hoist the rigging,

because the pig mans found the source,

& theres twelve rude boys on the oars."