you are my life now

"what if i'm not the hero?
what if i'm the bad guy?"

november 21, 2008
beyond excited.

black holes and revelations

"my life,
you electrify my life,
let's conspire to re-ignite,
all the souls that would die just to feel alive."

still lost in the pages of breaking dawn, and wrestling with the urge to race through it so i can talk to a few people about it (who have all already finished it), or to savor it, letting myself linger in the story just a little longer. though i feel lit up and inspired to write myself, and to get out and see more of the world - and to devour more words and feelings and life in the process. it is hard to explain, and as i mentioned before i am not sure i want to explain, just that i feel more alive and more full of love.

i remember hearing this song for the first time, and being mistaken on who the artist was. i was attracted to the song at first, but i never felt the song as much as i do now. i suppose there is the connection to the books, and the stories - and the way the band's songs seem to just capture the emotions and feelings of it all. and maybe it is where my life and feelings are at right now, as well. not just this song, others by muse, but today it is this one specifically.

if you're a thought you will want me to think you, and i do, and i did

"what do you plan to do with all your stories"

spent the last night late night awaiting the last book in the twilight series (well, the supposed last, i am still hoping for midnight sun). i am influenced so heavily by music, by the vivid play of sound and vision that plays between the blinking of my lashes as i read a book that takes me - and yes, these books have taken me.

i suppose they have more than taken me, they have actually returned me to myself, connected me closer to my daughter, and woken me up. it is hard to explain, and i am not sure i wish to bother explaining, how a set of young adult books gave me back pieces of myself - all i know is that they have.

typical me, i have been building playlists and mixes to accompany the books, jules and i both have, and this is one that seems to be nudging at me to include in the yet to be finished breaking dawn soundtrack. and now i return to reading - excuse me while i let myself get a little lost in pages this weekend.

singing eyes and fingers

song of the siren ~ this mortal coil

"on the floating, shapeless oceans,
i did all my best to smile,
'til your singing eyes and fingers,
drew me loving into your eyes.

and you sang 'sail to me, sail to me;
let me enfold you.'

here i am,
here i am waiting to hold you.
did i dream you dreamed about me?
were you here when i was full sail?

now my foolish boat is leaning,
broken love lost on your rocks.

for you sang,

'touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow.'

oh my heart,
oh my heart shies from the sorrow.
i'm as puzzled as a newborn child.
i'm as riddled as the tide.

should i stand amid the breakers?
or shall i lie with death my bride?

hear me sing: 'swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you.'
'here i am.
here i am,
waiting to hold you.'"

i get the strangest feeling you belong

warm me up & breathe me: an edward and bella mix

why does it always rain on me ~ travis

"i cant sleep tonight."

you're all i have ~ snow patrol

"there is a darkness deep in you,

a frightening magic i cling to."

losing my religion ~ nina persson

"every whisper,
of every waking hour,
i'm choosing my confessions."

here with me ~ dido

"i didn't hear you leave,
i wonder how am i still here.
and i don't want to move a thing,
it might change my memory."

creep ~ radiohead

"you're just like an angel,

your skin makes me cry."

into dust ~ mazzy star

"i could possibly be fading,

or have something more to gain;

i could feel myself growing colder,

i could feel myself under your fate."

but not tonight ~ depeche mode

"and i haven't felt so alive in years."

shake the disease ~ hooverphonic

"here is a plea,
from my heart to you,
nobody knows me as well as you do.
you know how hard it is for me,
to shake the disease,
that takes hold of my tongue in situations like these.
understand me."

roads ~ portishead

"regardless of what they say."

hide & seek ~ imogen heap

"spin me round again,
and rub my eyes;
this can't be happening."

clocks ~ coldplay

"confusion never stops,
closing walls and ticking clocks;
gonna, come back and take you home,
i could not stop that you now know."

breathe ~ sia

"warm me up,
and breathe me."

love will tear us apart ~ honeyroot

"do you cry out in your sleep,
all my failings expose?
get a taste in my mouth,
as desperation takes hold.
is it something so good,
just cant function no more?"

delicate ~ damien rice

"we might live like never before."

the engine driver ~ the decemberists

"i am tortured,

ever tortured."

what if you ~ joshua radin

"so, for tonight,
i'll stay here with you."

honey & the moon ~ joseph arthur

"if you weren't real i would make you up."

lovesong ~ the cure

"whenever i'm alone with you,

you make me feel like i am young again."

i will follow you into the dark ~ death cab for cutie

"i'll follow you into the dark."

claire de lune ~ claude debussy

zipped

dreams gave me away

"if i could dream at all, it would be about you, and i'm not ashamed of it."

twilight ~ edward cullen