what about me

accidental babies (live, video) ~ damien rice
accidental babies ~ damien rice

"and i know i make you cry,
and i know sometimes you want to die
but do you really feel alive
without me?"

today the music is speaking to me
carrying me off to an embrace of melody
the trigger-gun reaction of emotive lyrical flash-floods
with every song that shuffles towards me
i am gifted something impossible to turn from
or ignore

today i feel the music sweeping through me
lilting, luscious, lush
as i try to wash clean a grey day
a grey mood
a grey me

this one right here plays in the shape of my memory case
causing me to realize that music is so fluid
so full of pieces and words and feelings
often the turn of phrases laden with things i wish i could speak aloud
to you
or to anyone
really
all things left unsaid seem to melt right into the next track

everyone i meet becomes part of the pages of my life
every song i take the time to memorize
and sing along with
becomes the soundtrack behind the images that pass as a day

and some of these i keep for good
so that i can go back
re-read
put on repeat
turn back open the liner notes and have that moment
when a line i heard in my head
is different
and redirects the way i see things now

this afternoon could become
the side of the tape i will rewind
and play
again and again
until the neighbors bang on the wall in pleas and agony
begging to never play that fucking song again

and i wonder now through stinging eyes
how the stories will hold up in the end

will i sit with my grandchildren tugging at my sleeve
holding the hand of the love i take there with me
and will i read to them from the lines on my hands
show them the flickering images of a life
that will still play behind my half closed eyes
will i still remember the refrain before the last verse
of all those remembered melodies

maybe you will be there next to me
laughing
mock at what a sentimental thing i've become
while inside you smile
because we all cherish the stories shared
of our own existence

perhaps you will correct my additions
and enhancements
add in the erased letters that i choose to forget
whisper that the truth does not need painting over
with glitter
or exaggerated pause

but they all know that sometimes
that is just how i am
and anyway
colour changes everything
just like the contents of a song

let me out

rootless tree ~ damien rice

"we go blind,
when we've needed to see,
and it leans on me,
like a rootless tree.

so fuck you, fuck you, fuck you,
and all we've been through,
i said leave it, leave it, leave it,
it's nothing to you.
and if you hate me, hate me, hate me,
then hate me so good that you can let me out."

i want to quit my job so badly today that i am on the verge of tears and shaking. i don't know how much longer i can do this. i am a tough person, a strong person, but i think i've hit my limit.

cheers darlin'

all dressed up ~ damien rice

"prepare myself for a war
and i don't know what i'm doing this for
trying to let it all go
but how can i when you still don't know?

i could wait for you
like that hole in your boot
waiting to be fixed

i could wait for you
what good would that do
but to leave me bruised?"

this is one of those soaring, soul-swelling, tears go pouring out of you kind of songs. heavy on the dramatic, weighted in emotion, and the kind of thing that feels like the sweetest kind of knife in your gut.

i cannot stop listening to it, i just cannot stop.

julia and i talked on this sort of thing recently. playing each other some of our favorites, the kind of songs that give you chills everywhere. she has a love for the dramatic lift and swell in a song, and i the lover of lyrical refrain, the kind that feel so personal, even if you know nothing of the person singing, or the story within.

despite the connection, the songs connects, and becomes a part of you. this is today's, for me.

and so it is

"and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time

and so it is
the shorter story
no love, no glory
no hero in her skies

i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes...

and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the timeAnd so it is

the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial

i can't take my eyes off you

i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes off you
i can't take my eyes...

did i say that i loathe you?
did i say that i want to
leave it all behind?

i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind off you...
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind off you
i can't take my mind...

my mind...
my mind..."

one of my most favorite ever authors recently wrote this amazing post that just floored me. if you get a chance, give it a whirl: limmerance (a poem in three acts)

and this album, i picked it up last week at amoeba and cannot seem to get enough of it, especially this song.

and then i weave my way around to another of my most favorite authors and find this: goodbye sweet prince

the way i love you

to love somebody ~ ray lamontagne and damien rice (live)

"in my brain,

i see your face again,

i know my frame of mind,

you aint got to be so blind.

and i'm blind, so very blind;

i'm a man, cant you see,

what i am.

i live and breathe for you.

but what good does it do,

if i aint got you,

if i ain't got you?"

when you float like a cannon

"there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear,
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear,
you step a little closer to me,

so close that i can´t see what´s going on."

so sick right now that i just want to sleep and disappear, and not be struggling to breathe. the fires in the hills behind us are not helping my cause, but i think i'd be suffering with or without the blaze. i've coughed so much that my head is pounding, my ribs ache, and my throat feels as if i've been swallowing glass.

i want to sink into the ocean, sleep at the bottom, with no need to breathe. or just somehow find my way to better.

does he drive you wild, or just moderately free?

"well i know i make you cry,

and i know sometimes you wanna die,

but do you really feel alive without me?

if so, be free.

if not, leave him for me."

something about damien's songwriting, his music, the rough and raw emotions in all of it, break my heart into tiny, jagged shards. i am pretty sure i have written on this song before, and i know i have included it in a mix, or two; but, hearing it this morning after a toss and turn fitful sleep night, i felt it deserved an encore.

accidental babies ~ damien rice

never give a girl a gun

keep art alive; art by jeaneen carlino

there are still these blisters on the inside of each hand
notches left on my hip where the holster used to hang
you taught me to aim to the left and close one eye tight
to run like hell when the bullet broke the skin
to never look back and don't you ever cry, girl

but when i pulled the trigger and felt the recoil
bounce me back against the wall
you stared in disbelief with that mouth wide open gape
as if to say that you could not believe this trick would turn
you built a cold-hearted assasin up an out of a warm wishing fool
and i said to you never look away and don't you ever scream, boy

give my gun away when it's loaded
(written by me)

9 crimes ~ damien rice