get your dreams just right

keep art alive; art by gozde arig

up all night (frankie miller goes to hollywood) ~ counting crows

"fix your hair just right
put your jeans on tight,
wear a dress,
so i can get it off real easy.
'cause i've been thinking,
i'd like to see your eyes open up real wide,
the minute that you see me.

if you don't come through,
i wouldn't wait for you.
i understand that everyone goes disappearing,
into the greatest grey,
that covers over everyday,
and hovers in the distance,
and the distance,
and the distance...

i've been up all night,
i might sleep all day.
get your dreams just right,
let them slip away,
i might sleep all day."

i have never been much of a girl in the ways you are supposed to be. i do not really know how to do my hair, it does itself most days, and thankfully it is a pretty tame thing so i do let it have its way. i do not pluck my eyebrows, much to my teenage daughter's chagrin. i've never had a facial, i do not do my nails. i know more about doing goth and stage make-up then i will ever know how to make myself up to look natural. i do not have a skin care regime, or even know how to begin to put one together. and in all honesty, i am more comfortable in a pair of pants then any skirt or dress i have ever donned.

that said, there are days i wish i had those skills. that i'd learned to be more of a girl. that i had an arsenol of beauty techniques to battle the bad days, and the signs of age with. and sometimes, like today, when i have actually worn a dress, with pointy girly heels and dark tights. when i've done my hair (or really, had said teenage daughter do my hair), when my make-up took more than fifteen rushed seconds, and when i actually am wearing matching items under my clothes...well yeah, i get it, i feel different. i feel beautiful actually. and it does have a positive effect on me.

it reminds me of this quote from one of my most favorite shows that have ever graced the small television screen, my so-called life:

"sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison, and the crime is how much we hate ourselves. it's good to get really dressed up once in a while. and admit the truth: that when you really look closely? people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. possibly even me."

angela chase, my so-called life