turning into dust

still falling
breathless and on again
inside today
beside me today
around broken in two
‘till you eyes shed
into dust
like two strangers
turning into dust
‘till my hand shook with the way I fear

i could possibly be fading
or have something more to gain
i could feel myself growing colder
i could feel myself under your fate
under your fate

it was you breathless and tall
i could feel my eyes turning into dust
and two strangers turning into dust
turning into dust

as i stepped forth into the world of winding hallways, locker combinations and places to fit – and not fit, i tried to break from my existance.
step forward.
change.
i had all these images of what adolescence should feel like.
taped together from television shows, magazines, books.
i wanted to leave behind my cloak and dagger silences.
throw out my superhero ears and eyes. be something worth being.
but you cannot escape yourself so easily.
skin holds tightly onto your wavering body.
your image.
that cracked mirror that sits in the corner of your soul. breaking up the girl.
smash.

no one really saw through my stapled shut mouth.
i stumbled over words.
clothing.
style.
always trying just too hard.
contrived.
the jangled up strewns of who i really was showing through the cracks.

only the other shadows took me in. other missing pieces in the puzzle of high school.

so i dove into my escapes.
music took front row center.
i memorized lyrics obsessively.
finding my reckoning in the repeating lines.

and i wrote.
mismatched and candy-coated goo like romances.
things i wanted to be living. breathing.
sick little twists of mind.
mine.

lost myself even deeper still.
beyond.