if you never try, you'll never know

"i believe in music the way some people believe in fairy tales. but i hear it came from my mother and father. once upon a time, they fell in love." ~ august

this is one of the most beautiful films i've ever seen, and one of the most personal. i cried through the entire film, not a moment where i was not so emotionally moved that i did not feel as if my soul was opening up. and it left me changed, hopeful, more alive. i am not sure how to explain it without it seeming ridiculous. it just mattered to me, in ways that i have no words.

'cause it's all going on without you

keep art alive; art is 2h

fate is a tricky thing, transient and confusing. do we create our own versions of fate to comply with our desires, or do we finally reach a point in our lives where we wake up and recognize where are path is clearly drawn? how do we fit the people and things that we collect, and hold close to us, if our enlightenment does not include them? is there really one truth to all of it, one way to go, one choice that will define the steps we take? if we decide that the direction that we see painted on the inside of each eyelid, when we close our eyes and really listen to our soul, is going to include loss or pain - is it still worth it? and what do we make of our lives when we realize the future we held as part of our own has nothing to do with us anymore?

i choose to believe that things happen for a reason, even when that truth is hard to take in, and ever tiresome to hear. that said, i also cling to the belief that we have choices to make, and that fate is like an outline that we can trace, but the colors we choose to decorate it with are still up to us. i choose to believe that the family i have, and the family i have made, is worth everything to me; and in that, i know that i would fight any battle, and traverse any obstacle, if it meant that we all go on another day breathing and learning, singing and listening, and living. the older you get the more you realize that it is rare to meet people who get you, who love you regardless of the mess you may be, and who let you grow and be whoever you truly are.

so, what of fate? i have not sorted out what mine is just yet. i thought i knew what it was, or at least a blurry outline of it. perhaps i was allowing the writer in me to create a future that i wanted to exist in, with people who i trusted my heart with. maybe i have not had that quiet moment of self-revelation, where it all becomes clear. or, the scenario i tend to believe the most in: perhaps there are multiple paths in front of me, some known and some yet to be discovered, and that it is alright not to know just yet. what i do know is that i would never give up on the people i love, nor the family i have, and have made, or been included within; because i know how rare they are, and how fragile and beautiful love is.

let go ~ frou frou