but you can't paint an elephant quite as good as she

"well i could throw it out,
and i could live without,
and i could do it all for you
i could be strong."

sometimes it is easier just to be alright with where your heart exists, and sometimes it is alright to say you need a hand to hold.

we are all stronger than we realize, and weaker than we seem, yeah? flawed and beautiful, and spectacularly fucked up, but in all of it we are still alive.

and i wish no one had hurt any of us, and that we had never hurt each other. the human condition breaks my heart sometimes.

but, i believe in healing, and to learning how to stand on our own, and to letting each other break and repair in whatever time it takes. to not let our pain define us, but to not avoid it either.

i don't know, it all feels clear internally but sometimes words do not translate from feelings clearly. seems we spend an awful lot of time trying to be perfect for each other, and in that race and rush to be this self-defined perfect we end up controlling, manipulating, hiding, and hurting each other.

there is so much strength when you can come to someone you love and say "i am hurting, i am messy, but i trust you enough to let you see this." we sometimes see this as weakness, but it is so far from being weak. holding on to our pain just helps to breed insecurity, and in that insecurity lies behavior that is born out of fear, and can do so much harm.

and, i have probably lost my train of thought.
and, i am not sure now how all this connects to the song i chose to share.
and, i really need sleep something fierce.

but, somewhere in my convoluted heart and head, this all makes sense.

this year, it is all about learning, at least for me.

elephant ~ damien rice

song of the day