"i wish i was both
young and stupid."
sometimes i find myself knee-deep in nostalgia, wishing for a past that has those gold-rimmed truths that really aren't so true. memory paints itself the way the soul wants to see it, and in all the ways i was stronger then, i was weaker, too. i suppose we trade life for wisdom, mistrust for compassion, indecision for hope. though sometimes what you take with you is insecurity, loss, and the internalized self-loathing.
i cringe sometimes at how entertained we all are by self-deprecating humor. not that i am any better at it, not at all. it is always so easier to cling to misery, to fear, to obstacles. to lose yourself so completely that you settle for less because maybe you never had better, or perhaps you keep being reminded that you are not good enough for what you truly want.
so we run, we collapse, we hide, and we crumble. for me, sometimes i wish for when i was younger. a trick i play with my heart that i felt more then, or took to heart less. always the one to love less, to hide more, to act rash in ways that ultimately pulled the rug out from under me.
how does one break that cycle though? how does one take the steps towards being the person they are meant to be?