i am a fire sign

hippy's son ~ dirty pretty thing

"i am a hippy's son,
i'm in to porn and guns,
i'm virile, fertile,
i scream when i come.
related to you all,
by six degrees.

i am a fire sign,
i've never swum with the tide,
spreading honey on thorns,
and truths that rhyme.
my stories are all tall.

but it's so obvious,
it's bloody outrageous,
they try and they try,
but they'll just never save us.

hush hush my love,
come fall into these arms,
hush hush my love,
come fall into these arms.
hush hush my love."

from the second dirty pretty things album, romance at short notice, to be released on june 30. i've heard a few songs recorded live from recent shows, and saw the lyrics to many of them. to be honest, i was not terribly impressed with this song until i heard the recently released single (given away free here). before i knew it i'd listened to it 10 times in a row, and i've had to admit i quite like it.

i know this album has been a struggle from the start, but i wish them all the best, and that this will be a huge success.

i don't know what to believe in

never is a promise ~ fiona apple

"you'll never see the courage i know,
it's colors richness won't appear within your view.
i'll never glow - the way that you glow,
your presence dominates the judgements made on you.

but, as the scenery grows, i see in different lights,
the shades and shadows undulate in my perception.
my feelings swell and stretch; i see from greater heights,
i understand what i am still too proud to mention - to you.

you'll say you understand, but you don't understand,
you'll say you'd never give up seeing eye to eye,
but never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie.

you'll never touch - these things that i hold,
the skin of my emotions lies beneath my own.
you'll never feel the heat of this soul,
my fever burns me deeper than i've ever shown - to you.

you'll say, don't fear your dreams, it's easier than it seems.
you'll say you'd never let me fall from hopes so high.
but, never is a promise, and you can't afford to lie.

you'll never live the life that i live,
i'll never live the life that wakes me in the night.
you'll never hear the message i give,
you'll say it looks as though i might give up this fight.

but, as the scenery grows, i see in different lights,
the shades and shadows undulate in my perception.
my feelings swell and stretch, i see from greater heights,
i realize what i am now too smart to mention - to you.

you'll say you understand, you'll never understand,
i'll say i'll never wake up knowing how or why.
i don't know what to believe in, you don't know who i am,
you'll say i need appeasing when i start to cry.

but, never is a promise,
and i'll never need a lie."

wring my heart & break it, as i'd rather be alive

“to love at all is to be vulnerable. love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. it will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

c.s. lewis

but gravity always wins

"and if i could be who you wanted,
if i could be who you wanted,
all the time, all the time."

i was perusing this space, full of that sad stain of nostalgia that feels weighted and rough. one of those moments where i think i'll either start at the beginning and see what the fuck i was on about, or just stop all this writing. i guess the words are too strong, and the music, well i'm not ever able to let the music go. and it dawns on me, terms like synchronicity and fate, karma if you like, if you open your eyes up and listen to your insides, everywhere you truly look will have a gift to give.

i cannot give up the writing, nor the music, never, ever, ever. i may be lousy at love, but this, i think i just might be good at this.

turn back to the start of this space, and this is what i found (guess i needed to remember):

http://dreamsgavemeaway.blogspot.com/2007/08/and-if-you-shake-her-heart-enough-she.html

there are ways we decide to express ourselves; be it in the way we write, talk, think, dream, invest our time, or as i tend to do more often than not, through the music we listen to. i may wake up with invisible tape over my lips, rendering me silent and wordless, but what spins in my car stereo or streams through my headphones, is where most of my truths lie. sometimes i get lost in the twists and turns of a simple lyrical refrain, other times the simple pleas of a singer wailing into the mic reduce me to a pool of tears, or bring on such strength and renewal that i swear i could fly.

inside the songs i often hide confessions, longing and unnamed pain. it seems easier to tuck them away in a melody, and to throw them out into the ether of existence and airwaves - the music keeps all my secret wishes safe and sound. sometimes i tie ribbons around them, leave soft kisses on the curve of each note, slide them into a brown-paper package, and send them off to the hands and ears of someone else. they are my gifts of heart and mind, they are my love, my anger, my logic, and my dreams. music is connection to me, and if the receiver is too far away to touch, the songs are my offered hand to hold, my fingers entwined with theirs, my arms wrapped around them in a long embrace.

at times, the songs are enough to fill the ache and pull of distance and regret. other nights, though, they are the strung-out reminders of a damaged heart awash in loneliness. the liner notes are etched in a scrawl too convoluted to see clearly, but if i could make out the words, they would sound something like i miss you, i wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase. and your un-written replies, well i imagine them alight in the burned spirals on that cd you sent; the one i still carry around with me everywhere.

and i've lost myself completely

pacific coast highway (demo) ~ courtney love

"i knew a boy who came from the sea,
he was the only boy who ever,
knew the truth about me.

i'm overwhelmed and undersexed,
baby, what did you expect?
i'm overwrought and so disgraced,
i'm too ashamed to show my face.

and they're coming to take me away now,
what i want i will never have;
i'm on the pacific coast highway,
with your gun in my hand.

i knew a boy who left me so ravaged,
do you even know the extent,
of the damage?

my dirty little secret died,
in between the sheets,
and the promises that killed me,
from your eyes.

i'm bloody and totally bound,
i don't know what to do with my hands now;
i surrender, i give in,
i'll kick down your door if you don't let me in.

and i've lost myself completely,
i look to you, my true desire,
i'm on the pacific coast highway,
god how did you fall so far?

your whole world is in my hands,
your whole wide world is in my hands."

not the best video, as i'm not quite fond of a slide show of images, especially when so many are watermarked. but, this is the only full version of this song that i can find at the moment. this is a demo from courtney's upcoming album 'nobody's daughter', and i have fallen for it pretty hard. lyrics that rattle at the core of my insides, as i sit up far too late into the night still sick, and longing for a conversation with the sea.

if you don't mind

"happy endings, no they never bored me,
happy endings, they still don't bore me."

i could lose my soul right here

the vagabond ~ air (featuring beck)

& the video

through blue summer nights i will pass along paths,

pricked by wheat, trampling short grass:

dreaming, i will feel coolness underfoot,

will let breezes bathe my bare head.

not a word, not a thought:

boundless love will surge through my soul,

and i will wander far away, a vagabond [...]

~ arthur rimbaud