"well, we drank champagne and danced all night,
under electric candlelight.
she picked me up,
and sat me on her knee,
and said dear boy won't you come home with me."
jules and i were singing along with ray davies and the kinks this morning. jules looks over at me and giggles, and says "why does it not surprise me that you love this song, mom?"
what can i say, my daughter knows me well.
happy saturday.
lola ~ the kinks
song of the day
"well i could throw it out,
and i could live without,
and i could do it all for you
i could be strong."
sometimes it is easier just to be alright with where your heart exists, and sometimes it is alright to say you need a hand to hold.
we are all stronger than we realize, and weaker than we seem, yeah? flawed and beautiful, and spectacularly fucked up, but in all of it we are still alive.
and i wish no one had hurt any of us, and that we had never hurt each other. the human condition breaks my heart sometimes.
but, i believe in healing, and to learning how to stand on our own, and to letting each other break and repair in whatever time it takes. to not let our pain define us, but to not avoid it either.
i don't know, it all feels clear internally but sometimes words do not translate from feelings clearly. seems we spend an awful lot of time trying to be perfect for each other, and in that race and rush to be this self-defined perfect we end up controlling, manipulating, hiding, and hurting each other.
there is so much strength when you can come to someone you love and say "i am hurting, i am messy, but i trust you enough to let you see this." we sometimes see this as weakness, but it is so far from being weak. holding on to our pain just helps to breed insecurity, and in that insecurity lies behavior that is born out of fear, and can do so much harm.
and, i have probably lost my train of thought.
and, i am not sure now how all this connects to the song i chose to share.
and, i really need sleep something fierce.
but, somewhere in my convoluted heart and head, this all makes sense.
this year, it is all about learning, at least for me.
elephant ~ damien rice
song of the day
"i draw a jackal-headed woman, in the sand.
sing of a lover's fate,
sealed by jealous hate,
then wash my hand in the sea.
with just three days more,
i’d have just about learned the entire score,
to aida.
holidays must end,
as you know.
all is memory,
taken home with me;
the opera,
the stolen tea,
the sand drawing,
the verging sea.
all years ago."
one of my forever favorite songs, that without exception brings tears. the images in this song, the emotions rendered, they are all so rich and beautiful - even in the heartache.
verdi cries ~ natalie merchant
song of the day
keep art alive; art by tiffs since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
and death i think is no parenthesis
"i've got this light hangs over me,
i've got this fear cuts into me,
and i can't see very far.
and when you said that you were dead,
i hung on.
something i feel,
you are an angel,
or maybe you could've been.
something out here,
you are an angel,
or maybe you could've been."
the end of a bad day and feeling very emotional, but also feeling very loved. so, in the end, life is good.
maybe an angel ~ heather nova
song of the day
"if heaven and hell decide,
that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs;
if there's no one beside you,
when your soul embarks,
then i'll follow you into the dark."
thank you for understanding me.
i love you.
i will follow you into the dark ~ death cab for cutie
