look like its happened again

i see you, you see me (video) ~ the magic numbers

"i never wanted to love you, but that's ok
i always knew that you'd leave me anyway
but darling when i see you, i see me

i asked the boys if they'd let me go out and play
they always said that you'd hurt me anyway
but darling when i see you, i see me

its alright i never thought i'd fall in love again
its alright i look to you as my only friend
its alright i never thought that i could feel this something
rising, rising in my veins."

fires are burning outside, and the santa ana's are making my throat dry. part of me wants to just crawl back under the duvet and sleep the day away; perhaps dream of you.

the other part of me can smell the coffee brewing, and the music is seeping through my headphones as i stretch and wipe my eyes. suppose morning is here, and this is the last day before my vacation. there are things to do, and lists to cross-off, and traffic to sit in (while hopefully singing along loudly to a turned up stereo, albeit the blown out speaker on the left).

and we can always daydream, can't we?

part of me wants to escape into this video though. grab a camera and capture a different day. anyone care to come along?

i've been waiting so long

keep art alive; art by audrey kawasaki

missive swirl
(1.24.03)

spread it out, spread it thin,
here it is.
this broken down heart,
this pleading sense of peace.
i want to drive circles around the how and why,
becoming the things of dreams,
or at least something more, something cascading.

i want to rip this mask off the face in the mirror,
even if it rips my skin clean off, leaving drops of who i was in the sink,
drizzle, dripping, dry.
i want to stand in front of the world and admit everything,
and nothing.
that i was wrong with all of it,
and saw the warning signs along the road.

(they were right)

but here i am twisting and turning through this big fade,
my beloved crumbling eternal mess.
i want to sweep it all up in a brown paper box,
tissue paper, penny for luck, tuck it inside.
i want to fasten it to the underside of a demon, attach it to an angel wing,
whoever is the highest bidder,
or the losing straw.

which are you?

i'm this precious doubt, yes,
and i'm this burning sense of wish and must.
i want to lose all of it, some of it, none of it,

stand across the sea and dive as deep as i can, sink, sigh.

cloud my eyes with water,

read the contents of all i already know.

we're losing you, young lady.

speak up. say it again,

i can hear them already.

they spell it out to you.

my kaleidoscope baby,

your razorback girl,

you enter and exit the motions in me, emotions.

leaving marks made with crayon.

on the interior of my eyes, my soul,

you read me.

i want to paint secrets on your toenails,

draw a map to a greasy spoon diner on your back, with pixie stick sugar.

let's climb to the top of the hello kitty factory,

search for our twin star, our scented life eraser.

scream mistakes and memories, lyrics to songs stuck in our head,

or just i love you's.

now.

(written by me)

undecided ~ the magic numbers