then my mind went dark

"you write such pretty words,
but life's no storybook.
love's an excuse to get hurt.
and to hurt.
do you like to hurt?
i do, i do.
then hurt me,
then hurt me,
then hurt me..."

feeling rather prickly tonight, emotions still too raw for normal reactions to take place. i keep trying to re-trace my steps from when i felt this low, and what paths i took to get myself back up. its been years and years, and i remember that it was a lot of false starts and stops before i ever could stand steady and feel alright. i wish it was all something a few pretty words could fix, but it just isn't.

how do you deal with a story like this?

you've changed ~ bettie serveert (video)

"you’ve changed,

so have i,

but anyway,

i tried to stay and now i wonder why

you’ve changed,

and so have i.

our independent ways of life just never seemed to apply.

and from now on, we carry on,

but remember this:

we’re writing our names in the lifes of the ones we miss."

back when i worked at tower records, the first stint, i discovered bettie serveert. it was alan who introduced them to me. he was wearing their t-shirt, the night before he'd been to one of their gigs, and he was literally glowing from it. he always had the kind of musical taste that i admired. introducing me to more bands than i'd ever be able to list, and is credited to some of my big music love affairs.

sometimes i forget about this band, but recently i received a musical package of love from my friend victoria, which included a bettie serveert cd. this song was not on it, but it re-opened my love for them, and for carol van dijk's voice. i stumbled upon this song today and have hit repeat about thirty times - a sure sign of a fucking amazing song.