but i'm just sayin' hi

answering bell (live on jay leno) ~ ryan adams & adam duritz

oh my stars, ryan and adam.

*heart flutters*

"did i slip?
I know i stumbled.
did i trip?
'cause i know i fell.
all's i know is i'll wake up here in my clothes tomorrow.
but oh, girl, i wish i knew you well.
but oh, girl, i wish i knew you well.
but i'm just sayin' hi,
to your answering bell.

did i run?
i thought i was walkin',
through your inexhaustible gale.
the names are changed but the constellations,
are still fallin'.
oh girl, if you could only tell.
oh girl, if you could only tell.
but i'm just sayin' hi,
to your answering bell.

let yoru tears fall and touch my skin.
then your thunderclouds could rage and wail.
i will collect them all for you in a butterfly jar.
and, oh girl, i'll build your wishing well.
oh girl, i'll build your wishing well.
buut, i'm just sayin' hi,
to your answering bell.

did i sleep?
'cause i musta been dreamin'.
did i weep?
'cause i cried like hell.
all's i want is your fortress of tears to crumble.
and, oh girl, i'd tear 'em down myself.
and, oh girl, the stories i could tell.
but, i'm just sayin' hi,
to your answering bell."

i'm one of the million pieces fallen on the ground

come around ~ counting crows

"have you seen the little pieces of the people we have been?
little pieces blowing gently on the wind.
they have flown down california,
they have landed in l.a.
little pieces slowly settling on the waves.

i'm one of a million pieces fallen on the ground,
it's one of the reasons when we say goodbye,
we'll still come around,
we will come around.

i have waited for tomorrow from december 'til today,
and i have started loving sorrow along the way.
i am calling from some city,
and i won't be there too long.
i could wait,
and i could waste away,
but what comes back is i hear you say we're gone.

for all the times that i go spinning up and down,
when all of the things have died between us,
well, we'll still come around,
we will come around.

after i've been missing for a while,
and you hear that summer's song.
haven't all the fading lines lingered on?

what i know is: she's going.
when you know it, it's alright.
so you put yourself between you and your pride.

if you wait for what's coming,
and you listen to her lies,
then she'll say the things you need to hear,
and the only one who'll disappear,
is you.

and one of the million lies she said,
is "all of the things you love are dead".
but i've seen what she thinks is love,
and it leaves me laughing.

so, we'll still come around."

the next life

keep art alive; art by matthew woodson

"look, the world's going to turn either way.

wake up and be a part of it."
adam duritz

to me, one's birthday is your own personal new year's day. it is a start of a new year in your life, a reminder of being alive, being a part of this life, a recollection of all your memories you've collected in this world. i tend to get contemplative when my birthday nears, not in that fear and dread of getting older, but more in the what have i done and what do i want to do kind of way.

recently i was hit with this moment of clarity which has yet to leave me completely. instead it has stuck somewhere beneath my skin, an internal tattoo, reminding me of a personal truth that i refuse to ignore. it was simply this: i have a lot i want to do in this life so i better take care of myself - body, heart, mind, soul - because i intend on sticking around for a good long time.

call it a resolution, though i do loathe the expectation of failure that seems to attach itself to "resolutions". or better yet, just call it a path i would like to take. it is not change exactly, or even redirection, if anything it is direction. places and spaces, feelings and desires, none of them new...just...i think i have spent far too much time focused on drama, other people's emotions, perceived expectations (that were possibly not true), and insecurities that put up ugly obstacles full of words like "can't", "won't", "never", "impossible" and "regret".

not everything works the first time around, but there is more to life then clinging to mistakes, or false hopes. so, happy birthday to me, as silly (and possibly narcissistic) as that sounds. i have a lot of living left to do.

"see you in your next life when we'll fly away for good."

the next life ~ suede

if you wanted to be free

you can't count on me ~ counting crows (live, video)

the new album is out next tuesday, and though i have listened to a leaked version, i will not post songs here. i plan on buying it as soon as it is available, as i have a great deal of love and respect for this band, and i encourage you all to do the same. it is an incredible album, well worth the wait.

it is a bit of a concept/theme album, entitled saturday nights and sunday mornings, meant to set the mood for both moods. the first half of the album is the equivalent of getting out into the city, the sparkle and shine, and the hard edges, that we take out into the night; hard, rough, raw, with lyrics such as the following, from the opening song, 1492:

"past railway cars and tranny-whores,

and mornings spreading out across the feathered thighs of angels,

oh where did we disappear to?"

the second half of the album is the morning-after sunday. hungover, with those inescapable regrets and the harsh light of the mirror. i know from adam duritz' blog that he has been doing a lot of soul searching and personal recovery lately, and it shows - if nothing else, then in the brutally honest lyrics on songs like the one featured in the attached video (and the band's first single), you can't count on me:

"coming along real good,

but i still can't do most of the things i should;

i watch the sky coming down to bury me,

and i can't stop this crawling out of my skin.

i know that you see yourself flying in,

out of the sky,

coming down to carry me,
but i won't come out.

so, if you think you need to go,

if you wanted to be free,

there's one thing you need to know,

and that's that you can't count on me.

no, you can't count on me."

and i can't see why you want to talk to me

heather, at i am fuel, you are friends, posted about my most anticipated album so far this year. saturday nights & sunday mornings is set to release on march 25 (thanks adam, almost a happy birthday gift to me). adam duritz has this to say about the album:

"[it's] about dissolution and disintegration. it's about when saturday night happens and you lose all sense of yourself. and it’s about when you wake up sunday morning and look back at the wreck you’ve made of your life and you think, 'how can i possibly fix this? how can i ever climb out of this hole?' and then you start to try and climb."

cheers to the effort of climbing out of our holes, and finding the other side of disintegration. it may not be what you expect to find, but there are always sunday mornings, and another chance to find your bliss; at least that is my hope to believe in.

"and you know that i don't like you,

but you want to be my friend.

there are bodies on the ceiling,

and they are fluttering their wings.

it's okay that i'm angry,

but you never understand."

when i dream of michelangelo ~ counting crows

and i have started loving sorrow along the way

"the longer your life goes on, the harder the decisions become. inevitably at some point you're asked to give up something you love for something you love. so, sure, you hope you make the right choice, but there's nothing wrong with giving up something you love for something you love. i mean if you're not willing to sacrifice for the things you love, what kind of a person are you?"

adam duritz, counting crows

and something that has made my month of august (and everything after), from the upcoming album saturday nights and sunday mornings, slated for a november release:

come around ~ counting crows