Drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days

"Drink up, baby, look at the stars,
I'll kiss you again between the bars,
where I'm seeing you there,
with your hands in the air,
waiting to finally be caught.

Drink up one more time,
and I'll make you mine,
keep you apart deep in my heart,
separate from the rest,
where I like you the best,
and keep the things you forgot."

'Between the Bars (cover, live) ~ Metric

♥

The kind that goes out and then sleeps for a week

You know darling: I can't stand to sleep alone: Lazy Afternoons Mix

Sleep Alone ~ Bat For Lashes
The City That Never Sleeps ~ Eurythmics
Hold Still ~ Grizzly Bear
Slowly (Oh So Slowly) ~ Conor Oberst
Day Old Blues ~ Kings Of Leon
Blue ~ Angie Hart
Sylvia Plath ~ Ryan Adams
Transatlanticism ~ Death Cab For Cutie
Never Far Away ~ The White Stripes
If You Want Me ~ Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Glycerine ~ Bush
Not Your Year ~ The Weepies
I Know ~ Fiona Apple?
Creep ~ Radiohead
Perfect Day ~ Lou Reed
Dream a Little Dream ~ Mama & The Papas
Will You Wait Here ~ Longview

Lazy Afternoons Mix ~ Zipped Up

And I've been here, silent all these years

An article on Observe & Report, and why rape is not a comedy

A good friend of mine told me about this film, and the contents within a scene meant to be taken as comedy, on Friday last week, and it has bothered me deeply ever since.

The article above was shared by the same friend, and is very well written and thought provoking. It hit me on a very personal level, and made me realize that though there has been years that have passed, the hurt is still there, and the elements that were part of the society I was in back then still exist now, keeping silence a continuing after effect of rape.

I wrote this in another forum, but I wanted to share it here, as well - my response to the above link:

As a rape survivor, and someone who kept silent because of the situation and the societal opinions regarding date rape, or rape by someone you knew, and perhaps had been out with, and maybe considered having sex with, or had had sex with was not rape - even if you said no, even if you screamed no, even if you ran away the second you could, and even if it changed who you were for years - well, the idea of a joke being made of it just really disgusts me, but more than that, it just makes me deeply sad.

Sad too that I’m not the only one I know with a story. That more women in my life, or who have been in my life, have their own story then ones who do not. And that as a mother of three children, the thought that this is a message that is still in the mainstream, and considered entertainment, just makes me so sad.

This is definitely worth a read, and more than that, worthy of the discussions I hope this whole thing brings to light. We keep quiet so often about our stories of rape, or sexual abuse, because we don’t want to be labeled, pitied, singled out, or thought of as different because of it - but silence does not help anyone, not even ourselves.

Silent All These Years (live, video) ~ Tori Amos

Is it something so good

Yet there's still this appeal: Though love will tear us apart (again): Another Love Mix

Your Love ~ Pacha Massive
Lovecats (live, cover) ~ Tricky
I'm Gonna Love You Too ~ Blondie
Love Will Tear Us Apart ~ Swans
Thin Line Between Love & Hate ~ The Pretenders
Love Is Dead ~ Kerli
This Year's Love ~ David Gray
You Can't Hurry Love ~ Diana Ross & The Supremes
One Sweet Love ~ Sara Bareilles
Game of Love ~ Wayne Fontana & The Mindbenders
Crazy In Love (cover) ~ Snow Patrol
The One I Love (cover) ~ Rosie Thomas
I Love You (Je T'Aime Mon Non Plus) ~ Cat Power & Karen Elson
Someday You Will Be Loved ~ Death Cab For Cutie
My Love ~ The Bird & The Bee
No One's Gonna Love You ~ Band Of Horses
Forever Love ~ Anna Nalick
Prisoner of Our Love ~ The Airfields

Another Love Mix ~ Zipped Up

I'll never lose this pain, never dream of you again

'Untitled' ~ The Cure

"Hopelessly drift in the eyes of the ghost again,
down on my knees and my hands in the air again,
pushing my face in the memory of you again,
but I never know if it's real
never know how I wanted to feel.

Never quite said what I wanted to say to you,
never quite managed the words to explain to you,
never quite knew how to make them believable,
and now the time has gone,
another time undone."

*tears*

Where a secret was concealed

slowly I am realizing that the love I wrapped around myself
was made up of caught in my throat chance decisions
and the wavering and wandering desires of every other whim
but my own

I slip and slide into these well-rehearesed chaste moments
that one would swear was fated and cast by the stroke of some star-crossed love
reigned in and provoked by a moonglow, or some other mysterious magic
meant for every ever after

but I know the paths and maps of all those in-betweens
the picture that each person secretly longs for yet rarely utters aloud
unwrap the right truths and all those locked up fantasies
come falling out to land right there
at my feet

I should have been a courtesan instead
with brightly coloured flowing dresses to hide within
and slashes criss-crossed on my pale white skin outlining where wings would be
in another life or on a different girl
anyone but me

lost among this shadow boxed inside-out lie of love
have you caught any glimpse of who I am at all
and is it fair to blame you that you cannot see something
that I made completely invisible
to you

inspired by The Calendar Hung Itself ~ Bright Eyes
The Calendar Hung Itself (live, video)

I just wanted you to love me, honey

"I knew I was never gonna talk to you tomorrow,
and oh, the birds how they sing.
If you were a bird could you sing me a song of sorrow?
‘Cause all I know from you is grief.

But, I never wanted to be your rolling train,
I never wanted to be your dancin’ shoes.

I just wanted you to love me."

'Touch, Love and Lose (live)" ~ Ryan Adams

Driving back home in the typical mass of Los Angeles traffic in a truck that is not mine I find myself feeling overwhelmed, over-wrought, and sick of just about everything - especially myself. This song came on and I turned the volume up, higher, higher, and higher.

Ryan and his blues, slipping out of the speakers, swirling around the cab of that truck, leaving me feeling understood, embraced, and a little saved.

Loving someone who is still in love with someone else, it is the stuff of so many tragedies, tear-jerker movies, adolescent paperback novels, and so many songs of broken hearts. Seems almost contrived to cry about such things, and yet we do.

Sometimes one mistakes soulful eyes and warm arms for love, and sometimes the other mistakes a kind smile and a shoulder to cry on for a temporary fix.

The sun is going down now, it turns the smog into some kind of breathtaking brilliance. Everything ugly looks beautiful in the right light, or played in the right key - even a broken hearted girl.

(song of the day)