get your dreams just right

keep art alive; art by gozde arig

up all night (frankie miller goes to hollywood) ~ counting crows

"fix your hair just right
put your jeans on tight,
wear a dress,
so i can get it off real easy.
'cause i've been thinking,
i'd like to see your eyes open up real wide,
the minute that you see me.

if you don't come through,
i wouldn't wait for you.
i understand that everyone goes disappearing,
into the greatest grey,
that covers over everyday,
and hovers in the distance,
and the distance,
and the distance...

i've been up all night,
i might sleep all day.
get your dreams just right,
let them slip away,
i might sleep all day."

i have never been much of a girl in the ways you are supposed to be. i do not really know how to do my hair, it does itself most days, and thankfully it is a pretty tame thing so i do let it have its way. i do not pluck my eyebrows, much to my teenage daughter's chagrin. i've never had a facial, i do not do my nails. i know more about doing goth and stage make-up then i will ever know how to make myself up to look natural. i do not have a skin care regime, or even know how to begin to put one together. and in all honesty, i am more comfortable in a pair of pants then any skirt or dress i have ever donned.

that said, there are days i wish i had those skills. that i'd learned to be more of a girl. that i had an arsenol of beauty techniques to battle the bad days, and the signs of age with. and sometimes, like today, when i have actually worn a dress, with pointy girly heels and dark tights. when i've done my hair (or really, had said teenage daughter do my hair), when my make-up took more than fifteen rushed seconds, and when i actually am wearing matching items under my clothes...well yeah, i get it, i feel different. i feel beautiful actually. and it does have a positive effect on me.

it reminds me of this quote from one of my most favorite shows that have ever graced the small television screen, my so-called life:

"sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison, and the crime is how much we hate ourselves. it's good to get really dressed up once in a while. and admit the truth: that when you really look closely? people are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. possibly even me."

angela chase, my so-called life

rather be home with no-one when i can't get down with you

i don't feel like dancing ~ scissor sisters

& the video

"wake up in the morning with a head like what you done,

this used to be the life,

but i don't need another one.

good luck cuttin' nothin',

carrying on,

you wear them gowns.

so, how come i feel so lonely when you're up getting down?

so i play along when i hear that favourite song,

i'm gonna be the one who gets it right.

you better know when you're swingin' round the room,

look's like magic's soley yours tonight."

sunday nights used to be filled with getting ready, sharing the bathroom mirror, trading clothes, music blaring and spirits high. the drive there was filled with more music, and a few stops on the way to pick up friends, and often a bottle or two of something (often strawberry boones). we never stood in line, usually had a space held for us to park in, and most nights it was truly a place where everyone knew our name. and the dancing, fucking hell, the dancing. as i sit here tonight trying to edit a presentation for a client meeting all i can think of is that i'd rather be rushing about getting ready for 1970.

band of brothers

keep art alive; art by hedi slimane

beg, steal or borrow ~ babyshambles

& the video

"what a life on mars!"

much love to the four of you, always.

she is running to stand still

"you got to cry without weeping,

talk without speaking,

scream without raising your voice.

you know i took the poison,

from the poison stream,

then i floated out of here.

singing ha la la la de day,

singing ha la la la de day,

ha la la la de day."

feeling overwhelmed tonight, so i'm reaching out for some musical comfort. this is one of my most favorite songs.

i remember when this album came out. i was living in my first apartment, julia's dad and i (though it was before there was a julia). we did not have a television, but we had a stereo and a rather large combined music collection.

we had very different tastes, but every so often it overlapped. this song, and album, was one of the overlaps.

he learned to play this on the guitar for me. i'd actually forgotten that. sometimes so many bad feelings become your memory of someone that you neglect the recollection of anything good.

one night he played it while i sang along.

running to stand still ~ u2

& the video

& i won't waste a minute without you

"all this feels strange and untrue,

and i won't waste a minute without you.

my bones ache,

my skin feels cold,

and I'm getting so tired,

and so old.

the anger swells in my guts,

and i won't feel these slices and cuts;

i want so much to open your eyes,

'cause i need you to look into mine.

tell me that you'll open your eyes,

tell me that you'll open your eyes,

tell me that you'll open your eyes,

tell me that you'll open your eyes.

get up, get out, get away from these liars,

'cause they don't get your soul,

or your fire;

take my hand,

knot your fingers through mine,

and we'll walk from this dark room for the last time.

every minute from this minute now,

we can do what we like anywhere;

i want so much to open your eyes,

'cause i need you to look into mine.

tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes.

tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes,
tell me that you'll open your eyes.

all this feels strange and untrue,

and I won't waste a minute without you.

open your eyes ~ snow patrol

& the video

you are my sweetest downfall

samson ~ regina spektor
& the video

life is beautiful & terrible & strange

"remember when we used to stumble,

down the boulevard,

from bar to bar until we couldn't stagger straight.

it seemed like we would live forever,

life was not this hard,

no we felt nothing much at all,

but it felt great"

today i miss those days, the simplicity and the complications. sometimes i feel like i understood life so much more - back then.

take me home ~ concrete blonde

& the video